Reaching the Limit

There are times all through life,

We feel our limit has been met.

I’ve been at this crossing so often,

It’s a benefit to never forget.

I don’t forget the days,

I didn’t have the strength.

Days I couldn’t fake a smile, I hurt so much,

I could almost faint.  

 

I remember the times

I thought all my will was gone.

Remember the times I laughed,

When people told me I was strong.

Because would they still say that,

If they saw me here crying?

Would they still feel the same,

If they knew I welcomed the thought of dying?

 

That space completely blinds me,

Where I can’t see or create anything ahead.

My energy is drained, spirit crushed,

Any and all positivity is dead.

Because I’m in my head,

And not in my heart.

I let the stress manifest,

And it breaks me apart.

 

The key is to remember,

The days that limit broke,

I found the strength to go on,

My spirit stopped being choked.

Sounds like a joke,

But we must remember both.

The days it rained,

The days it shined.

The memory of breaking free,

From the limits that confined.

 

Copyright June 2018
-IxChel Tonantzin-
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Medical Cannabis in New Mexico

When we moved to Colorado we had every intention of joining the advocacy for Medical Cannabis laws, but life had different plans for us. I planned on working for our business only and those plans changed when we got to Colorado and saw that everything we planned for, fell through. I ended up working for the University of Colorado full-time as an Office Manager. At the time I remained optimistic that the job wouldn’t stand in the way of participating in public, government meetings but that misconception changed quickly. I started to notice that all the public meetings to pass new laws regarding medical cannabis were scheduled for sessions during the day when my husband and I were working. Every single meeting. It became clear that in order for me to be an advocate and have my voice heard I was going to have to take time off of work, which I didn’t have.
So when we moved from Colorado to New Mexico on this new leg of our journey, advocating for medical cannabis rights was nowhere on our agenda. We quickly learned that the medical cannabis laws in New Mexico create a huge space for a new black market, were being selectively followed by police officers and desperately needs to be updated. But still, we didn’t feel that was our fight. After living on over 50 acres for less than a year we eventually found out someone living in our subdivision had filed over 100 false Crimestopper Reports against us with the Cibola County Sheriff’s Department and we received an unwarranted visit to our properties in January 2018. The visit quickly went from “We’re just here to introduce ourselves to the people in the subdivision”, while bringing out 7-10 Sheriff’s vehicles, the Undersheriff, Sheriff’s Detectives, a canine unit and lots of police officers with M16’s, to “We want to walk around your campground to make sure these reports are false”, all without a warrant. Additionally, the Cibola County Undersheriff quickly went from somewhat professional to full out rude, unprofessional and belligerent when I opened my mouth to speak about my objections to the unwarranted search request. Nothing came of this interaction until March 16th when my husband and I were held down at gunpoint, a military tank and officers tore up our land, illegally detained and falsely imprisoned us twice in a week and I spent a total of 7 days in jail with insufficient food and no water. I was molested during my 2nd arrest by a Cibola County Sheriff’s/Village of Milan officer, put in jail, my dogs impounded and my husband (a medical marijuana patient for 8 years) also arrested and harassed for possession and paraphernalia, while I was in jail. All over 100 false Crimestopper reports filed by a white racists woman that told us “I hate that people are moving out to the subdivision! I was here first and I hate all these new people moving in!” the first time she met us, less than 3 months after moving onto our land, and claimed that we were “growing hundreds of marijuana plants, making meth, trafficking marijuana from Colorado, selling meth and marijuana, and starting a cult.”
After this happened, we desperately wanted to retreat back into our shell, not talk to anyone, not visit anyone, and not associate with anyone in this area. Although we had met a handful of loving, honest people from this area, the entire experience salted the relationships we built during our short time here because we didn’t know who was going to have our back during and after all this. We didn’t completely know who felt the same way as this racist clan, we didn’t know who was being honest with us, and we didn’t know who knew these people who are trying to ruin our lives and take our land from us. We had come to New Mexico on a spiritual journey to discover our roots, revive the ecosystem, revive the water, establish a loving, like-minded community and do whatever we can to help in the local community. And no matter how much we shared that vision with these people, we had been singled out, attacked and slandered by white people from southern states with hearts full of hate. For full details about what we’ve been going through, see Racists with Confederate Flags and Badges.  
Shortly after all this happened and we were completely comfortable in our shell again, a post on Facebook popped up for an application to the New Mexico Medical Cannabis Task Force. I debated on applying for a few days and finally did it because “What’s to lose?” Right!? So I filled out the application and put it out of my mind, I figured I wasn’t going to be selected anyway. So when I got an email a couple weeks ago indicating I had been selected out of hundreds of applicants I was stunned!! And excited at the same time! Yes we’re going through legal harassment, false charges, racial profiling and defamation of character but this is a HUGE opportunity to use this phase of our journey to make an advocacy impact on the upcoming changes to the Medical Cannabis Program in New Mexico to ensure that others like us, that look like us and move like us, aren’t allowed to be harassed and singled out simply for choosing a natural form of medication or having brown skin.
I’ve spent over 10 years fighting myself internally about my use of medical cannabis. I’ve struggled with the choice to utilize this plant when it came to the religions I’ve been associated with, I’ve struggled with the negative stigma of being a woman who smokes, and at 21 years of age, I knew that it was time for me to do my own research around the use of cannabis. That research set me free. Growing up I used to tell my friends that smoked they were killing brain cells and they were going to grow up to be low-lives, an opinion that was ingrained into me while growing up in a family of peace officers. My choice to medicate with marijuana came only after getting to the point where I was taking an 800mg Ibuprofen every hour and still having such a horrible migraine that I started slamming my own head into walls in the hopes of stopping the pain. I was out of options. I had tried 7-8 medications prescribed to me by Kaiser that didn’t do anything for me. At a time in my life where chronic migraines stopped me from functioning like a “normal” 21-year-old, I remember saying to myself one day, “If smoking this plant is a sin then I’m ok dying with this being my sin of choice. Fuck it.” So I’m beyond excited and honored to be selected for this task force and utilize my experience with medical cannabis laws from 3 completely different states!
My first official meeting is this Friday, June 22, 2018, and we are so excited!! If YOU are in the state of New Mexico or know someone that is and would like to have their voice heard at this upcoming meeting please share this article with them or invite them to express themselves via email at cristinamooney27@gmail.com and we will ensure your voices are heard!
-IxChel-

Settling the Topic of Cannabis Research, the US Government

Although over the last 8-10 years, cannabis is slowly being decriminalized at the state level, we still have a MAJOR battle to win when it comes to the reclassification of it at the Federal level. This morning I woke up to an article that talked about Jeff Sessions possibly indicating that he felt marijuana has some medical purposes and would soon be allowing more research on the plant. MORE RESEARCH.

Now, where was the need for all this research in the 1960’s and prior when doctor’s were prescribing heroin, cocaine, CANNABIS, and mushrooms to people? What happened to THAT research? Why are current drugs being allowed on the market in 2018 that is almost the exact same chemical makeup as heroin, cocaine, meth, etc.? The same drugs that civilians are being put in jail for are the same ones America’s “doctors” are prescribing to people to get them addicted and keep feeding their money machine. Sickening!

cannabis egypt

What I really want to talk about today, is the fact that cannabis has been around and revered as a spiritual and healing element since before the US Government was event an idea!

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Let’s not forget that when colonizers from European countries finally landed on this sacred land we now call “America” and “Mexico” that our sacred books about plants and natural healing, the ORIGINAL WAYS of our people, were stolen and burned. Let’s not forget that our warrior and healer ancestors were raped and murdered for non-compliance to this new regime of monsters that took our land, our history and forced those that survived to COMPLY or DIE. Let’s not forget that there are sacred and holy books that have been stolen from Ethiopia that are CURRENTLY in the possession of European governments. Holy books that reveal the truth that extends past the Bible we know today, truth that would set us free from accepting what this corrupt government has tricked some of us into believing is truth from the Creator, truth that would cause us all to stand up, UNITE and FIGHT together!

Colonization of Sacred Land

Had the colonizers, rapists and murderers that came to THIS LAND from European countries not burned all our sacred & holy books, Mr. Jeff Sessions, and the United States Government, would have all the HISTORICAL DATA and RESEARCH they need to know that classifying this PLANT right along side drugs that are made of chemical cleaners is a complete joke. Maybe YOUR people shouldn’t have burned and disposed of all the HISTORICAL RESEARCH that was available to us all when you invaded our sacred lands. Just MAYBE right?! lol

The moral of today’s message…. LET US NOT FORGET!!!

-IxChel

Racists with Confederate flags and Badges, Cibola County NM

We moved to New Mexico to follow the call and pull that was in our spirit. We left Colorado prepared to find remote land away from the energy and vibration of the city, excited to live closer to nature and build our home and legacy for our children with our own two hands. Additionally, we planned to secure a large section of land and open it up to people who have the same calling in their heart and may not have the means to establish land while stepping into the same spiritual calling. We opened up a program to welcome community members onto the land. Seems harmless right? Sounds like a mission with the focus of community and upliftment.

The only difference is, when a message like this hits the ears of white racists from Texas, about the only brown family in the subdivision, it turns into a laundry list of someone else’s dirty laundry. Shortly after arriving on our land in July 2017, we had one white neighbor announce our presence on his Facebook page without our consent and the next thing we know, our sanctuary is bombarded with neighbors wanting to look around. Although that seems harmless, we trusted these people, put aside our own prejudice and past negative experiences with people like them and eventually got screwed. False information about our property and our plans spread like a New Mexico wildfire and quickly picked up someone else’s crap along the way.

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Pretty soon we started meeting newer neighbors as a result of a hateful, lonely woman going around our subdivision and surrounding cities telling people that we’re “selling and making meth, growing hundreds of marijuana plants, trafficking marijuana from Colorado and starting a cult.” Although we were bothered by the claims, we decided it was in our best interest to ignore this woman and all the people associated with her. She tried flagging us down in the road after accusing neighbors of befriending us and allowing us on their properties, we decided to keep driving and keep ignoring the problem.

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Then, we’re a few days into January and discovered our road blocked by a herd of Cibola County Sheriff’s Department cars, a K-9 unit, officers walking around the intersection with M16’s and our only way out of the subdivision is completely blocked off. At first, the story was that they were there to introduce themselves to everyone, which eventually came to asking us to see our campground and informing us that over 100 Crimestoppers reports had been filed against me and my husband. Some of you have been reading our journey since 2011/2012 when we started our first joint venture business. Some of you may just be reading this, and I ENCOURAGE YOU to go back and read our old blogs, dig through our social media accounts, check out our WEBSITE and YOU make your own decision about the type of people we are. We’ve always been transparent in everything we’ve done, discovered and healed along our journey and we’re confident that our natural, loving, community-centered lives will reflect that without convincing.

CCSO Tank

That day we were disrespected, racially profiled, harassed, our land trespassed on, our rights violated and targeted by the Cibola County Sheriff’s Department and this hateful group of people who call themselves the Mujeres Militia. Fast forward a month, May 2nd we had our 18th negative encounter with 2 more members of this militia that turned into two Texas ranchers filing a false report against us to the police that put us in jail, had our dogs impounded and MORE of our RIGHTS VIOLATED!

But our divine protection cannot be broken! I (IxChel) went 7 days with hardly any water due to the poor quality of water being offered at the back of a toilet in a cell I didn’t belong in, minimal food due to the Chaplain and personnel in the jail not processing my Special Diet applications, and no fresh air. That’s right. On day 4, when I was transferred to my first day in court, it was freezing and no one told us we needed jackets but I was so thankful to feel the sun on my face and my skin exposed to the elements! We were released on unsecured bonds BOTH times we were arrested that week, that’s right, we were arrested TWICE for something that all happened on the same day. Don’t get us started on how dirty and twisted this government agency is!

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Nevertheless, we’re continuing on with our journey. All the shifting and flowing for the past 8 years we’ve been together has helped us learn to adjust, be patient with ourselves & each other, given us the tools to heal, protect and CONQUER! We see this nothing more than a LEVEL UP! Another test, put here by our divine selves, ancestors, guides, and Creator to leave our divine stamp and legacy on the world.

All of our cases have been transferred from Cibola County Magistrate Court in Grants, NM to District Court in Grants, NM. Please subscribe to our blog, follow our YouTube channel, and STAY CONNECTED! We’ll be talking about as much as we legally can while the cases are going through the process because we want to make sure we’re enforcing our RIGHT to be a means of checking the agencies our tax dollars go to SERVE the counties and states we live in.

We will fight RACISM HEAD ON and WE WILL CONQUER!!

 

-IxChel

That One Time I Fell Off a Trailer

About a month after we purchased our land in New Mexico, my parents gifted us with a 40 ft. shipping container to use for storage. We’d been paying for a storage unit in Colorado and were feeling very disconnected and not fully able to run our business with most of our things still in Colorado. So we planned a last trip to Colorado to collect all our things from storage in August. We had just purchased a new heavy duty trailer, strong enough for us to haul water while we wait for our well to get dug, and were doing the last of the unpacking of some small items we left floating around in it. Then it started to rain.

I was in my cool clothes, tank top, cool pants, etc., even though it was technically monsoon season out here. And I was wearing my Vibrams (toe shoes). We had let down the back of the trailer and had been using it as a ramp to walk up and down before it started sprinkling.

I’m still a city girl, born and bred, and I’m still undergoing my unlearning and relearning of my Earthly powers. Although I’m a Scorpio through and through, a deep water sign, I tend to not want to get wet when I’m wearing clothes. I despise the way wet clothes feel on my body, I feel confined and sticky. Plus we’d been living out of a tent for a month and I was 100% out of my comfort zone so I started to notice that I would lean toward small comforts when I could get them. Air conditioning, running water… Being dry haha!

On the flip side of that same coin, I’ve got family members and (technically) acquaintances, we sometimes call friends, asking “How is Tina doing? Are y’all staying in a hotel?” and I’m not going to lie, I was a little offended at how fragile and rigid people thought I was. It fueled me. When the rain started coming down I thought to myself “Alright! Time to get this done so we can get in the car, LET’S GO!” I kept up my pace picking things off the floor of the trailer, one of the items was a rachet tie. When I turned around and felt my right foot slip out from under me I knew it was going to be bad so I guess I tried to brace myself. I felt myself hit the ramp of the trailer and I was in so much pain I couldn’t even cry.

All the voice, power, conviction had left me. It made me think of the time I fell running up the stairs when I first started dating my King. Back in my Cali days I just laid there and wished I could disappear so I didn’t have to see his reaction to my fall lol This time I had nothing to let out the pain was so deep. When I finally caught my breath I rolled over onto my stomach and started to cry softly, little by little louder and louder the more I paid attention for my pain. Eventually I found this gash in my arm from my weight falling straight onto the metal rachet I was carrying and it was bleeding like crazy. I thought to myself,

“Well… You wanted to see how powerful this All Healing Rub is! Here it goes! Get to healing!”

I picked my ass up off that trailer ramp, everything that touched my skin down to my clothes was shooting pain all throughout my body but I didn’t want my King to baby me. I encouraged him to finish while I went to clean the cut and tend to it. I came back, still in pain, crying, cut bandaged up, All Healing Rub in hand and ready to get on the road to our last trip to Colorado. That moment and what followed after was liberating! I had already created something that was perfect to stop bleeding, clean open cuts and address the pain that I made several years before being here in this moment, cut, bleeding and in pain! Over the next few weeks I applied the rub liberally and I shared my story with people we met who asked me. I had bruises all the way up my arm, as you can see, so I was happy to see that the more I talked about it the more I laughed about it.

Through my healing process I’ve learned to take ownership of where I could have done better and this was a HUGE learning experience for me. I knew better. I knew that rain meant slippery but I wasn’t thinking about that before I stepped on the ramp and ate it, bad. LOL! Honestly, that’s common sense! I had no one to blame but myself and trust me, I tried to blame the rain!

Balance. Balance taught me that even if something hurt I can smile and laugh about it too. Balance taught me that yes I was thinking about completing the task but not thinking about safety while completing it. Balance taught me to stop fighting the falls and ROLL WITH IT! I’m convinced that if I would have made an effort to roll I wouldn’t have split my arm open. Balance taught me that sometimes peoples fragile ass opinions of you can make you stronger and give you fuel to push harder. Balance taught me that I’ll have plenty more practice perfecting this lesson and whether I’m physically or spiritually falling, tuck and roll is the best bet!!

Balance taught me STRENGTH in weakness!!

Since this lesson has been one of the main energies I’ve been learning about for the last 32 years I’ve decided to offer an amazing new course focused on Mastering the Energy of Divine Balance! Check it out HERE!

 

-IxChel-

Ass All Out

Have you ever gone somewhere new thinking you were well enough equipped to handle whatever might come along? I had somewhat of an idea what moving out of the city meant but I wasn’t completely ready for the huge shift we were taking on when we moved to New Mexico. There’s something different about using the restroom outside, squatting and feeling nothing but fresh air when you step out of the shower! It’s a different feeling to be so close to Mother Earth, feeling undisturbed dirt and sand between my toes and cold mountain air when I step outside is life-giving and challenging at the same time.

I’ve tripped over rocks, fell down the back of a trailer, moved hay bails (which for some reason I keep calling barrels lmao!), walked down the road in the middle of the night and heard coyotes sounding off all around me… And all I can say is, it’s been crazy! Since 2005 I’ve been putting myself into situations that I haven’t been exposed to and it’s been helping me to understand different types of people. I’ve experienced people who society would label as “bad” and experience relationships with them that have been life saving and changing in my journey. Gradually I’ve been leaning more toward experiencing life in a balanced way.

A few years ago I got a birth chart reading from my Reiki Master and I’ve been learning more and more about myself each year I continue to study it. Since I was young I’ve heard myself say things in my head that my filter has been like “That’s a pretty crazy and kind of dark thought for someone your age.” I’m also a heavy Scorpio all throughout my chart. A sign ruled by water, emotions and the power to destroy and create. I wasn’t ready to accept who I was for a long time but I’m there now and I’m unapologetic.

I’ve been there for and supported people who didn’t really love me most of my young adult life, I’m capable of giving until I’m spent and inflated. I’m also capable of hurting some feelings, I’ve got a sharp tongue and a tough spirit that won’t back down for the things I love and the people I care for. For the last few years I’ve been learning how to balance out that extreme love and anger. For a year or two I thought the answer was changing my mindset to always shift to positive when “bad” things happened. It helped but it didn’t honor who I was inside and I still hadn’t learned to balance.

Balance, balance, balance and balance is what my ancestors have been spiritually beating into me for the last decade… I JUST realized it lol. So that’s where I’m at… In a situation totally out of my comfort zone, setting the foundation for people I might not have even met yet and balancing my love and anger just enough to achieve the balance I need to be my best self for my high purpose journey on this Earth. I’m about to show yall what balance is hahaha!

 

-IxChel-

Pride In Your Path

Growing up in the suburbs of a little known small city in California, I was often told I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Sometimes from new boyfriends, sometimes from old friends and even my closest cousin. For most of my 20’s I used my energy trying to convince people I wasn’t a spoiled rich kid that lived in a 2 story house, because most times, that’s all I was to people. It made a part of me feel guilty for having the life I did and it also drove me to be the unconditionally giving person I am. For so long I spent time with people my parents never approved of because they fit into certain categories that life experiences taught them were not good people.

I remember being a child at the table and listening to some of the stories my dad would share and saying “You can’t just judge people as being good or bad by the way they look!” And although I had a point, that discernment that my dad lived by was taught to him as a means for protecting his life in his line of profession, but it didn’t sit well with me. So I made it my duty to give people the benefit of my trust and friendship even though they might not have looked worthy to other people.

When I started working just before I graduated high school it was against everything my parents wanted but I was so tired of people telling me I was spoiled and lucky that my parents gave me money. I wanted to go work for it even if that meant I had way more on my plate with going to school and then college full time. After I started my first job I never stopped grinding, and I seemingly never had money left from my checks either. This used to drive my parents nuts because I ended up working for LA County for 9 years, it was a decent paying and steady job… Much of what I used to think the “dream” was. Part of the reason I never had any money is because I would give to those I cared about, my friends and the guys I dated. I remember buying books for a boyfriend’s classes and driving him to work and school everyday. Same guy who ended up breaking my heart for the first time.

Talking to my King yesterday I remembered this heartbreak. I eventually came to the realization that surviving heartbreak is one of the things that can make us unbelievably strong. I wasn’t the type of person that got into physical fights on a regular basis so I didn’t have that experience but I know that I’ve felt my heart break so bad my chest felt like it was going to burst open and melt me from the inside out. Surviving betrayal of pure love is something that thickens the skin of our heart and soul for the path we have ahead of us. That’s something I wish I could have communicated to my younger self but I know it was something I had to learn by the fire.

Throughout my 20’s I went to school full time, worked full time and slept maybe 2-3 hours a night after hanging out with people I thought were friends. After shifting into my 30’s I was able to look back and reflect on all the things people tried to shame me about: having 2 parents, my parents having good paying jobs, being sent to private school, getting an allowance. For so long I had allowed people to shame me into feeling guilty for choosing my parents and having the life I did. It took me 30 years to be like “fuck that” I had hardworking parents who taught me how to love and support the people I cared about, parents who taught me things I also had to unlearn to elevate and parents who loved me enough to want to give me a better life than they had growing up. No one can ever shame me for that again.

In learning to block the energy of people who tried to make me feel bad about my life I also learned to wick off people who tried to spread lies and hate about who I am and who we are as a unit. We ignorantly thought that leaving California would remove us from being around people who hated on us and made up lies in their minds about who we are… It didn’t. We found people like that in Colorado and now in New Mexico. The main thing we’ve learned is that every energy, high & low, dark & light, serves a purpose in our journey and deserves thanks and honor for the lessons and light they bring to us. Every energy is built into this life to prepare us for our journey ahead. Don’t allow anyone to shame you for your individual journey!

Learn your lessons, make your adjustments and take Pride In Your Path!

-IxChel-

Friends & Lessons

I really feel like the term “friend” is used entirely too loosely. Throughout my journey I’ve gone through so many different phases of “friends”. There was a phase when I wanted anyone to be my friend, I wanted more popular friends, I wanted friends that partied. Then I wanted friends that had connections & knew certain people in the beauty industry. Looking back at the person I’ve been growing to be and who I truly consider friends now, I can see how far I’ve come on my journey.

I was extremely insecure as a child & through my adolescent years. I had people I hung out with in grade school but they didn’t fit into societies definition of what beautiful & intriguing were. So the first sign of someone from the “popular group” talking to me I instantly ditched the people who had spent time with me & loved me for who I was. Fast forward 23 years and I only speak to ONE person from that “popular group”. No one that I tried to build a relationship with from that “popular group” made an effort to be in my life or see me all through high school. Even now, I see pictures of them all hanging out and watching eachother’s children grow up, no one makes an attempt to reach out to me or talk to me.

Over the last 5 years I’ve had my own spiritual awakening & shot out of the ground I buried myself in for the last 20+ years. I stopped pouring my energy into people that didn’t make any effort to hold a connection with me. I’ve come to learn that friendships are just like plants. They need to be cared for in the same way a plant does! Stop watering a plant and it dies. Stop giving it sun and it dies. Friendship is a 2 way street just like any other relationship! I’ve learned to stop watering plants alone.

My definition of the friendships I now want in my life are so deep that a limited number of people meet the criteria. I know this can start to sound like I’m full of ego but what I know about myself is that I love deeply, that’s part of the Scorpio in me. I can love so deeply that I’ll carry the burdens of those I love, look for a solution and support most people through almost anything with everything I have access to. I’ve come to learn that when you can love with a capacity like that, you HAVE to be selective with the energy you give to people. Giving that much energy and love to people who have no problem taking and taking will drain me and my love too quickly.

Moral of the story, pay attention to the definition of friendship you live your life by & adjust accordingly.

-IxChel-

 

Want a Rise Out of ME? HA!

Have you ever met someone who didn’t get what they want, exactly how they wanted it? We’ve all experienced that right? We don’t all get what we want exactly the way we want it. But have you met those people who go out of their way, slice out big chunks of their day and waste a ton of energy trying to attack you? In this world of technology almost anyone can find us online but that also means the person trying to take jabs at you after you’ve severed the tie is pretty lonely, sad & desperate for attention. They’re sitting at home or at work fuming and angry over not getting their way, much like a child. But then to take that anger and frustration and act on it by sending emails, texts and anonymous messages seems pretty crazy! That’s what happens when we are out of balance!

You may be asking, what does balance have to do with someone wanting to get a rise out of you? Let’s be clear that I’m talking about an adult but what I described earlier sounds more like the rantings and actions of a child. In the effort to be completely transparent, the inner child in me that’s angry about someone being so mean and hateful wants to use every angle I can to ruin their life. That’s also a little of the Scorpio in me. But this isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with someone trying to get a rise out of me when they don’t truly know what I’m capable of.

Balance has everything to do with this. For example, my husband, Asad, is a fire sign and I’m water. So when he see’s me getting worked up over people like I mentioned before, he calms by waters by showing me his flame. He always lets me know he’s going to support me no matter what but then always offers a gentle Leo reminder about karma and energy. It’s like “Yes love I’ll back you 100% just remember that…” and it always cools my emotions because I know that he’ll go harder than I can imagine. For me, it’s hard not to be emotional over people I’ve genuinely tried to help and connect with when they show their true selves. Mostly because I don’t always show or express the emotional and internal dilemmas I go through when I’m trying to connect with people. I deeply care. Sometimes to the point where I’ll go toe to toe with my King over someone I barely know in the effort to keep giving them chances and giving them chances. This is where balance comes in!

In this situation, balance for me looks like not engaging with this person but internally setting a limit for what I’m going to tolerate before I lash back, in a professional manner, and stop the harassment. Balance is not allowing the hate and loneliness of a grown adult make me forget that I’m tending to a sick dog, building a home from scratch, living without running water and putting every ounce of love I have into the mission that is specific to my life journey. This ONE person isn’t greater than all that. And I don’t say that in a “I don’t care about others” type of way, I say that in a “I love myself too much to not ruin my karmic journey over YOU” type of way. No one person is greater than your soul mission, especially when your mission is crystal clear to you!

Just a little real life, real time reminder for those of you out there that might have someone so out of balance, sad, lonely and hateful that they would try to slander you over something so small. Find your balance. Determine where they fall and act accordingly!

Authenticity at its Finest

Being authentic is something that doesn’t come easily, especially in the society we live in. The society that bombards us with psychological programming everywhere we turn; what’s considered beautiful, what’s socially acceptable, what’s “real”. In this society being authentic looks like lots of things some of us experience; things like, blood relatives praising your journey in your face and then talking about you behind you’re back, people telling you you’re brave while they gossip and laugh at you the minute you leave and it can look like people questioning you’re every motive, plan and thought out of their own personal fears and shortcomings.

Authenticity, to me, is being able to have a vision and set a plan, while also being comfortable knowing and saying “I don’t have all the answers.” Only a fool would claim to know everything about everything and I learned young that I didn’t want to be or look like a fool to anyone, especially not myself. Authenticity, in my eyes, is also being able to plow through all the negative talk, disrespectful relatives, hateful & unhappy people and still hold the vision. Sometimes holding onto the vision you have and what’s in your heart can be the loneliest stance you take because everyone isn’t on your frequency and that’s ok, that’s how the world maintains its balance. That space is also where we develop personal strength to endure the journey that was meant uniquely for us and no one else.

I have loads and loads of respect for people who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth, who don’t omit information when they’re talking to me, who have the nerve to come to me and tell me something I did or said rubbed them the wrong way because that’s the only way for me to grow and learn from that connection or interaction. So many times relationships fail or fall apart because people are too afraid to be authentic with themselves. So how can we really expect people to be authentic with us when they’re being fake with themselves? That’s unrealistic!! It’s also unrealistic to live your life not being authentic then expect and demand people be authentic with you… We get what we give from this life.

Recently my most authentic moment was realizing that I put someone I love in the position to be hurt by the same people that have hurt him over and over again since he was a child, due to my own narrow beliefs. Like many of us, I was raised to put “family first” and nothing came above family. So when I met my husband in 2010 and he told me he didn’t associate with his family anymore because of some negative situations that constantly put him in bad positions my ignorance of his experiences caused me to push and push and push. I’ve pushed for 7 years for him to keep trying, keep reaching out, keep spending time with them. People are human, I get that. But after our families both told us we would fail in Colorado and we didn’t, I thought that the next big move we made would be met with a more positive energy.

This is where I’d love to bring in being honest with yourself about who people show themselves to be. People really can’t help but be who they are. So when you see someone valuing things you don’t value, that’s a huge clue that they’re not on your frequency or vibration.

Trust what people show you over what they tell you!

After our move from Colorado to New Mexico was almost complete we decided to tell our families that we sold our house and took the money to buy the property we’ve been wanting since we left California. My husband’s family told us so many positive things and how great of a job we were doing. Next thing I know we’re getting calls from other family members telling us not to be discouraged, don’t listen to what people say, and, the famous, “so and so said you’re stupid for making that move.” Why did I expect anything different? How can people change while sitting there telling you they want the same things they wanted when they were in high school? That was dumb on my part to see no efforts in self work, loving themselves and their son more than they showed us before. And the end of it all, the person that hurt was the person I’ve loved through lifetimes.

The moral of the story is, believe people when you catch them not being authentic and be authentic enough to call a spade a spade when you see it.

-IxChel-