Growing up in the suburbs of a little known small city in California, I was often told I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Sometimes from new boyfriends, sometimes from old friends and even my closest cousin. For most of my 20’s I used my energy trying to convince people I wasn’t a spoiled rich kid that lived in a 2 story house, because most times, that’s all I was to people. It made a part of me feel guilty for having the life I did and it also drove me to be the unconditionally giving person I am. For so long I spent time with people my parents never approved of because they fit into certain categories that life experiences taught them were not good people.
I remember being a child at the table and listening to some of the stories my dad would share and saying “You can’t just judge people as being good or bad by the way they look!” And although I had a point, that discernment that my dad lived by was taught to him as a means for protecting his life in his line of profession, but it didn’t sit well with me. So I made it my duty to give people the benefit of my trust and friendship even though they might not have looked worthy to other people.
When I started working just before I graduated high school it was against everything my parents wanted but I was so tired of people telling me I was spoiled and lucky that my parents gave me money. I wanted to go work for it even if that meant I had way more on my plate with going to school and then college full time. After I started my first job I never stopped grinding, and I seemingly never had money left from my checks either. This used to drive my parents nuts because I ended up working for LA County for 9 years, it was a decent paying and steady job… Much of what I used to think the “dream” was. Part of the reason I never had any money is because I would give to those I cared about, my friends and the guys I dated. I remember buying books for a boyfriend’s classes and driving him to work and school everyday. Same guy who ended up breaking my heart for the first time.
Talking to my King yesterday I remembered this heartbreak. I eventually came to the realization that surviving heartbreak is one of the things that can make us unbelievably strong. I wasn’t the type of person that got into physical fights on a regular basis so I didn’t have that experience but I know that I’ve felt my heart break so bad my chest felt like it was going to burst open and melt me from the inside out. Surviving betrayal of pure love is something that thickens the skin of our heart and soul for the path we have ahead of us. That’s something I wish I could have communicated to my younger self but I know it was something I had to learn by the fire.
Throughout my 20’s I went to school full time, worked full time and slept maybe 2-3 hours a night after hanging out with people I thought were friends. After shifting into my 30’s I was able to look back and reflect on all the things people tried to shame me about: having 2 parents, my parents having good paying jobs, being sent to private school, getting an allowance. For so long I had allowed people to shame me into feeling guilty for choosing my parents and having the life I did. It took me 30 years to be like “fuck that” I had hardworking parents who taught me how to love and support the people I cared about, parents who taught me things I also had to unlearn to elevate and parents who loved me enough to want to give me a better life than they had growing up. No one can ever shame me for that again.
In learning to block the energy of people who tried to make me feel bad about my life I also learned to wick off people who tried to spread lies and hate about who I am and who we are as a unit. We ignorantly thought that leaving California would remove us from being around people who hated on us and made up lies in their minds about who we are… It didn’t. We found people like that in Colorado and now in New Mexico. The main thing we’ve learned is that every energy, high & low, dark & light, serves a purpose in our journey and deserves thanks and honor for the lessons and light they bring to us. Every energy is built into this life to prepare us for our journey ahead. Don’t allow anyone to shame you for your individual journey!
Learn your lessons, make your adjustments and take Pride In Your Path!