Have you ever gone somewhere new thinking you were well enough equipped to handle whatever might come along? I had somewhat of an idea what moving out of the city meant but I wasn’t completely ready for the huge shift we were taking on when we moved to New Mexico. There’s something different about using the restroom outside, squatting and feeling nothing but fresh air when you step out of the shower! It’s a different feeling to be so close to Mother Earth, feeling undisturbed dirt and sand between my toes and cold mountain air when I step outside is life-giving and challenging at the same time.
I’ve tripped over rocks, fell down the back of a trailer, moved hay bails (which for some reason I keep calling barrels lmao!), walked down the road in the middle of the night and heard coyotes sounding off all around me… And all I can say is, it’s been crazy! Since 2005 I’ve been putting myself into situations that I haven’t been exposed to and it’s been helping me to understand different types of people. I’ve experienced people who society would label as “bad” and experience relationships with them that have been life saving and changing in my journey. Gradually I’ve been leaning more toward experiencing life in a balanced way.
A few years ago I got a birth chart reading from my Reiki Master and I’ve been learning more and more about myself each year I continue to study it. Since I was young I’ve heard myself say things in my head that my filter has been like “That’s a pretty crazy and kind of dark thought for someone your age.” I’m also a heavy Scorpio all throughout my chart. A sign ruled by water, emotions and the power to destroy and create. I wasn’t ready to accept who I was for a long time but I’m there now and I’m unapologetic.
I’ve been there for and supported people who didn’t really love me most of my young adult life, I’m capable of giving until I’m spent and inflated. I’m also capable of hurting some feelings, I’ve got a sharp tongue and a tough spirit that won’t back down for the things I love and the people I care for. For the last few years I’ve been learning how to balance out that extreme love and anger. For a year or two I thought the answer was changing my mindset to always shift to positive when “bad” things happened. It helped but it didn’t honor who I was inside and I still hadn’t learned to balance.
Balance, balance, balance and balance is what my ancestors have been spiritually beating into me for the last decade… I JUST realized it lol. So that’s where I’m at… In a situation totally out of my comfort zone, setting the foundation for people I might not have even met yet and balancing my love and anger just enough to achieve the balance I need to be my best self for my high purpose journey on this Earth. I’m about to show yall what balance is hahaha!