Category Archives: My Writing

Reaching the Limit

There are times all through life,

We feel our limit has been met.

I’ve been at this crossing so often,

It’s a benefit to never forget.

I don’t forget the days,

I didn’t have the strength.

Days I couldn’t fake a smile, I hurt so much,

I could almost faint.  

 

I remember the times

I thought all my will was gone.

Remember the times I laughed,

When people told me I was strong.

Because would they still say that,

If they saw me here crying?

Would they still feel the same,

If they knew I welcomed the thought of dying?

 

That space completely blinds me,

Where I can’t see or create anything ahead.

My energy is drained, spirit crushed,

Any and all positivity is dead.

Because I’m in my head,

And not in my heart.

I let the stress manifest,

And it breaks me apart.

 

The key is to remember,

The days that limit broke,

I found the strength to go on,

My spirit stopped being choked.

Sounds like a joke,

But we must remember both.

The days it rained,

The days it shined.

The memory of breaking free,

From the limits that confined.

 

Copyright June 2018
-IxChel Tonantzin-
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Ass All Out

Have you ever gone somewhere new thinking you were well enough equipped to handle whatever might come along? I had somewhat of an idea what moving out of the city meant but I wasn’t completely ready for the huge shift we were taking on when we moved to New Mexico. There’s something different about using the restroom outside, squatting and feeling nothing but fresh air when you step out of the shower! It’s a different feeling to be so close to Mother Earth, feeling undisturbed dirt and sand between my toes and cold mountain air when I step outside is life-giving and challenging at the same time.

I’ve tripped over rocks, fell down the back of a trailer, moved hay bails (which for some reason I keep calling barrels lmao!), walked down the road in the middle of the night and heard coyotes sounding off all around me… And all I can say is, it’s been crazy! Since 2005 I’ve been putting myself into situations that I haven’t been exposed to and it’s been helping me to understand different types of people. I’ve experienced people who society would label as “bad” and experience relationships with them that have been life saving and changing in my journey. Gradually I’ve been leaning more toward experiencing life in a balanced way.

A few years ago I got a birth chart reading from my Reiki Master and I’ve been learning more and more about myself each year I continue to study it. Since I was young I’ve heard myself say things in my head that my filter has been like “That’s a pretty crazy and kind of dark thought for someone your age.” I’m also a heavy Scorpio all throughout my chart. A sign ruled by water, emotions and the power to destroy and create. I wasn’t ready to accept who I was for a long time but I’m there now and I’m unapologetic.

I’ve been there for and supported people who didn’t really love me most of my young adult life, I’m capable of giving until I’m spent and inflated. I’m also capable of hurting some feelings, I’ve got a sharp tongue and a tough spirit that won’t back down for the things I love and the people I care for. For the last few years I’ve been learning how to balance out that extreme love and anger. For a year or two I thought the answer was changing my mindset to always shift to positive when “bad” things happened. It helped but it didn’t honor who I was inside and I still hadn’t learned to balance.

Balance, balance, balance and balance is what my ancestors have been spiritually beating into me for the last decade… I JUST realized it lol. So that’s where I’m at… In a situation totally out of my comfort zone, setting the foundation for people I might not have even met yet and balancing my love and anger just enough to achieve the balance I need to be my best self for my high purpose journey on this Earth. I’m about to show yall what balance is hahaha!

 

-IxChel-

Friends & Lessons

I really feel like the term “friend” is used entirely too loosely. Throughout my journey I’ve gone through so many different phases of “friends”. There was a phase when I wanted anyone to be my friend, I wanted more popular friends, I wanted friends that partied. Then I wanted friends that had connections & knew certain people in the beauty industry. Looking back at the person I’ve been growing to be and who I truly consider friends now, I can see how far I’ve come on my journey.

I was extremely insecure as a child & through my adolescent years. I had people I hung out with in grade school but they didn’t fit into societies definition of what beautiful & intriguing were. So the first sign of someone from the “popular group” talking to me I instantly ditched the people who had spent time with me & loved me for who I was. Fast forward 23 years and I only speak to ONE person from that “popular group”. No one that I tried to build a relationship with from that “popular group” made an effort to be in my life or see me all through high school. Even now, I see pictures of them all hanging out and watching eachother’s children grow up, no one makes an attempt to reach out to me or talk to me.

Over the last 5 years I’ve had my own spiritual awakening & shot out of the ground I buried myself in for the last 20+ years. I stopped pouring my energy into people that didn’t make any effort to hold a connection with me. I’ve come to learn that friendships are just like plants. They need to be cared for in the same way a plant does! Stop watering a plant and it dies. Stop giving it sun and it dies. Friendship is a 2 way street just like any other relationship! I’ve learned to stop watering plants alone.

My definition of the friendships I now want in my life are so deep that a limited number of people meet the criteria. I know this can start to sound like I’m full of ego but what I know about myself is that I love deeply, that’s part of the Scorpio in me. I can love so deeply that I’ll carry the burdens of those I love, look for a solution and support most people through almost anything with everything I have access to. I’ve come to learn that when you can love with a capacity like that, you HAVE to be selective with the energy you give to people. Giving that much energy and love to people who have no problem taking and taking will drain me and my love too quickly.

Moral of the story, pay attention to the definition of friendship you live your life by & adjust accordingly.

-IxChel-

 

Life Shifts, Memories & Movement

I think everyone has a favorite update on at least one of their most used social apps. For me, it’s the “On This Day” timeline on Facebook. I love being able to scroll through all of the posts from the same day for the years prior that I’ve had Facebook and see what I was going through, what has changed, have I grown, have I stayed the same, do I have a different perspective. It’s more of a self check for my growth.

Then there’s days like today when I see pictures of my husband and I; 5 years ago we were publishing our Engagement Photos just a few days before we were scheduled to get married. I’ve been recollecting on that time. Only us and our 2 witnesses knew that we were getting married in a couple days because we got so fed up with all the drama that comes with planning a “traditional” wedding. 5 years ago, we were already feeling that particular tradition wasn’t for us, we didn’t feel like the plans were anything close to what we wanted. We just weren’t feeling it. It was almost like the excitement and love we had for each other was being drained by those around us who wanted THEIR vision of OUR marriage to be priority. So we decided to get married without telling anyone.

It was liberating. It was also tough to hear and see people not happy for us because we chose to do our own thing that resonated with us. But it was liberating because it was our first BIG decision as a solid unit and we knew that the first big decision we made needed to be in our best interest and something we both wanted in order to have a solid foundation in our relationship. Over the last 5 years we’ve built and added to that foundation by doing what ultimately always works for us but also by being well rounded. By that I mean, we still feel out other people’s opinions and ask for feedback before we decide on what we’re going to do.

I can see by looking back at our “On This Day” on Facebook that our lives have been so beautiful with the way we’ve decided to walk them. And just like 5 years ago we’re working on a big shift that most people would try to talk us out of with projections of fear and insecurity. It feels amazing to not have space to receive any of that, discuss it amongst ourselves and be like…

“YUP! This is what we’re going to do! DONE!

Sky Is The Limit? That’s It?!

How many times growing up did you hear a parent or teacher say, “What do you want to be when you grow up? Sky’s the limit!” like it was big enough to hold your dreams? I’m a firm believer in no limits besides the ones you set for yourself. I hear that now and think

“Wow. The sky used to seem so big. Now it seems too small for that purpose!”

Over the past 5 years I’ve grown in ways I never imaged. I’ve realized things about my past, memories and feelings that I didn’t understand until I was where I’m at, spiritually, now. When I started writing this today I had a picture of the Universe that I wanted to share and I planned on making a point to say that the Universe is the limit. During my spiritual growth spurt I’ve learned to pay attention to the words I’m using and “limit” carries an energy that has held me back.

The definition of “limit” is (1) a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass (2) a restriction on the size or the amount of something permissible or possible. My message I leave you with today is…

YOU ARE INFINITE!!

5 Things To Do While the Taurus Super Moon is in VOID

In our home and business we like to align our rituals around the moon. Part of the reason for this is because our individual astrology has strong moon forces in it and we’ve been taking the time to research the phases of the moon, their energies and meanings when they’re moving in and out of different planets. We’ve come to find out that there are phases of the moon that are void, in this space the energy of the moon and it’s powers are blocked or inactive so the things you may be planting are less likely to take root.

Today’s Full Moon is the Super Moon in Taurus which will not happen for another 30+ years! So we wanted to make sure that the rituals we’ve planned out to plant seeds during this time are properly scheduled! And guess what we found?! Today the moon is void until 6:22 pm MST. Not to worry!!! We know many of you are pumped to set intentions and continue with your rituals but we also want you to plant them in fertile space!

So we’ve compiled a list of some suggestions about what you can do to pass the time and prepare for the crops you’re about to plant after 6:22 pm MST:

1.CLEAN UP/ORGANIZE

When we’re talking about energy it’s good to remember that ever thing and space has an energy flow to it. Today, while you’re waiting for the moon to move through the void, take some time to clean up your space, put things where they belong or move any furniture or household items that you may feel would improve the flow of your space. If you planning a spiritual bath, deep clean your bathroom, bring in plants and sacred scents to bring in the Earth element, Taurus, while you submerge in the Water element, Scorpio.

By doing this is can help to clear that list of things-to-do sitting in the back of your mind so when the moon moves out of void your focus is clear and flowing!

2.SETUP FOR YOUR RITUALS

We all have this ongoing list of things-to-do and the positive side of that is that EVERY THING can be put on hold for you to make space for your self care routines and spiritual rituals; that list will be there when you’re done. Setting up for your rituals or even just decorating a space on the floor with your journal, crystals, some plants, glass of water and essential oil would be a great use of energy! This way, when the moon moves out of void you can go straight to your space and CREATE!!

3.GROUND

So many of us jump up in the morning and get our day going because of that list of things-to-do that is always running and forget to ground. Grounding in the sense of your energy to the earth. Many of us sleep so far away from the ground, when you really thing about it, and we forget to get our feet in the dirt and connect to the energy of Mother Earth! The Super Moon is in Taurus, which is an Earth sign! The connection is strong today! So get OUT! Go get your feet in the grass or dirt, stand in the sun, hug a tree, talk to some flowers but GET OUT and GROUND!

4.RECHARGE

That list, of things-to-do, you’ve gotten rid of it by now right? At least lessened the weight of importance it might have had when you started reading? Believe me I understand, some things on that list really seem like they NEED to happen right at that time. Work around the things that are pre-scheduled commitments and make an effort to do even just a couple of the things on this list and break. Break from worrying, break from stressing, break from processing and rechecking that list. Be still. Breathe deep. Exhale.

5. MAKE A POSITIVITY JAR

One of the things that has been so essential in switching my stressing and negative thoughts was the creation of my Positivity Jars. I took 2 medium glass vases and made a decorated sign with ‘Positivity Jar’ on it and placed 1 in our living room and 1 in our bedroom along with a pad of post-its and a pen. Anytime I start worrying about situations, doubting myself, or catch myself having some type of negative energy about anything I walk over to the closest one and write down something positive with the date.

Physically walking over makes me realize the level of energy that negativity carries. Seeing myself walk over to the beautifully decorated jar makes me smile and instantly starts to shift that energy. Seeing and feeling myself writing and thinking the positive love I’m adding to the jar makes me feel accomplished! And on days when the energy is dark and deep, all it takes is walking over to the jar and pulling out some love to remind me of my power. TRY IT! I’m sure you’ll make it you’re own in some kind of way!

And if you feel like doing some spiritual shopping head over to Zion Glory for a balanced blend of healing products, crystals and services for your self care!

 

HAPPY PLANTING!!

HAPPY SUPER MOON!!

Sister Standing

How can you stand there,

Act like you know what I’m about?

Judging my life,

While turning your snout.

 

We’ve shared homes, tables, food and friends.

I’ve tried to connect with you over and over again.

Only to get no reply, brushed off again.

Sister, I truly don’t understand.

 

You’ve always fought against me,

While standing directly adjacent.

But then I put myself out there,

And your gun I’m facin’.

 

I stand in that space,

Too prideful to cry but my heart is breaking.

Seeing it’s my sister,

Finger on the trigger and shaking.

 

You can squeeze or walk away…

But I’ll always stay.

Quitting Isn’t Always Giving Up!

My last post from January spoke about fear and how I’ve let it hold me back for so long. Throughout the closing of this chapter in my life I’ve realized that I let fear dictate so much of my life up until now.

I’ve been working for a certain employer for the past few years and over the last 2 years I’ve had every action, minute, emotion, tone, and word picked apart, scrutinized and dissected. I went through my phases; stress, anger, frustration, sadness and relief. The whole environment was toxic. Toxic to my health, energy and I had to shake that!

So I did! And you know what I manifested?! Exactly what I wanted!

Then to top it off, I was welcome with love, congratulations, encouragement and all around goodness from everyone, even strangers!! My spirit and body already feels like it’s been raised to a higher level and I’m not even done transforming yet! That’s what the most exciting part! So I encourage you to take your leaps! Honor your process but remember fear will not be a means to your happiness so shake it!

 

 

Fear Doesn’t Serve You

For a long time I blamed my shell and the walls I put up around myself on my insecurity but as I move out of that space it’s revealing to me another area that I still need to address; fear. The good thing about being willing to do the work to tap into your higher self is that you discover different layers of yourself. Not all end up being something that need to be worked on but the layers that need work are the most rewarding for me.

I used to despise rough patches or “tough times” but without them I’d be the same person I was when I was 18 and I don’t want to be that person forever. When I was that age I was still coming out of expecting everything to come to me easily and without any self work. Self work can be uncomfortable, no one likes their not so great parts pointed out for the world to see! Right?

Something about working through the parts of me that need refining is looking back at the storm after I’ve gone through it. The first thing that pops into my head is “Ehh… It wasn’t that bad!”

I know there’s so many people who are fighting themselves right now and I wanted to let you know that I support the unknown.

Only be venturing into the unknown are we able to discover parts of ourselves that have only resided in our darkness.

Bring that fear to light and handle it! Take hold of your dreams, your destiny and your desires! Our time is now!

Moving in Your Worth

 

Knowing your worth is one thing. Moving in your worth is a whole different kind of challenge. I’m now noticing that although I’m aware of and clear about my worth in the business world, I don’t always act and move in accordance with what I’m saying I believe. I realized that I’m working my intentions in a half ass manner. I’m claiming that I’m making $XX,XXX amount of dollars a month but I’m here at this job that doesn’t pay me anything close to what I’m worth.

Let’s flashback to 3 years ago.

I quit my job at LA County after working there for 7 years and I did that because I was convinced that there was something bigger and better for me in Colorado.

I made the conscious leap to go after that belief. We wanted to buy a house when we got out here and we knew that we would be fighting an uphill battle working for ourselves and trying to get approved for a house so I made my focus getting a “secure” job. The first 7 months here in Colorado taught me patience and trusting in Divine timing. But during that time I also learned to go inward and focus on myself.

When I got this job, I put 200% into everything I did. I was grateful for the opportunity to work in a medical library since I love books and due to the nature of our business I knew that I would be surrounded by all the wisdom in these books. Things and people changed within my workplace, as they do, and the changes were not in my favor. So lately I’ve caught myself saying things to myself like “I need this job until…” Those words are not in alignment with what I want my reality to be.

So my message for those of you reading this is, make sure that your words and thoughts are aligned with what you really want. Only then can your actions move in your worth.