I really feel like the term “friend” is used entirely too loosely. Throughout my journey I’ve gone through so many different phases of “friends”. There was a phase when I wanted anyone to be my friend, I wanted more popular friends, I wanted friends that partied. Then I wanted friends that had connections & knew certain people in the beauty industry. Looking back at the person I’ve been growing to be and who I truly consider friends now, I can see how far I’ve come on my journey.
I was extremely insecure as a child & through my adolescent years. I had people I hung out with in grade school but they didn’t fit into societies definition of what beautiful & intriguing were. So the first sign of someone from the “popular group” talking to me I instantly ditched the people who had spent time with me & loved me for who I was. Fast forward 23 years and I only speak to ONE person from that “popular group”. No one that I tried to build a relationship with from that “popular group” made an effort to be in my life or see me all through high school. Even now, I see pictures of them all hanging out and watching eachother’s children grow up, no one makes an attempt to reach out to me or talk to me.
Over the last 5 years I’ve had my own spiritual awakening & shot out of the ground I buried myself in for the last 20+ years. I stopped pouring my energy into people that didn’t make any effort to hold a connection with me. I’ve come to learn that friendships are just like plants. They need to be cared for in the same way a plant does! Stop watering a plant and it dies. Stop giving it sun and it dies. Friendship is a 2 way street just like any other relationship! I’ve learned to stop watering plants alone.
My definition of the friendships I now want in my life are so deep that a limited number of people meet the criteria. I know this can start to sound like I’m full of ego but what I know about myself is that I love deeply, that’s part of the Scorpio in me. I can love so deeply that I’ll carry the burdens of those I love, look for a solution and support most people through almost anything with everything I have access to. I’ve come to learn that when you can love with a capacity like that, you HAVE to be selective with the energy you give to people. Giving that much energy and love to people who have no problem taking and taking will drain me and my love too quickly.
Moral of the story, pay attention to the definition of friendship you live your life by & adjust accordingly.
Sometimes I look back and meditate on the last few months and I can’t see where my zest for writing went. Then I look around me, my current state, my current daily activities and I see where I lost it. The disappointing part is that I do this to myself. I get so wrapped up in one thing that I don’t make time to even think about the things that I love to do. Then the times that I do think about it I’m so bound to other obligations, by my own fault completely, that I “don’t have time”.
My husband and I have been in the process of buying our first home and so many negative and positive things have happened that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. What I can say about this period of transition is that is has brought my husband and I closer. This is my most treasured outcome. Then there are things that hang in the balance; when will my king work again? Will I get this promotion I’ve been verbally promised? Will we be evicted? How do people see me?
Today I met up with a person I became friends with around 6-8 months ago, we fell out over a miscommunication and she contacted me yesterday, seemingly out of no where. Now I know, neither of us were sure about how our next conversation would go but we both went through with meeting up today. When I saw her it was as if things had never changed, even before we started talking. In the middle of all the negative things that are going on she brought a little more light to my darkness with her genuine smile and greeting.
After speaking with my friend today I realized my own faults in the situation, I realized that what she said about how she felt I was going to respond was right and is something that needed to be improved on, I saw that this person had true and pure love for me. When she said “I didn’t realized what I had when I had it” I knew that my friendship was important to her. Love you girl.
If there was one thing I would want for you to take from the hardships your dad and I are going through in our life right now it would be to stand up for what is right. Right now your dad and I are getting a lot of unnecessary drama because we have put our family first before anyone we’ve ever known. I know that can be hard for some people to accept, being that your dad and I only knew each other for two (2) years before we got married and he is now putting me and you before anyone and anything else. But I don’t want any family members or friends to corrupt you with lies like they did to your dad growing up, that’s my reason for this letter.
If you read these blogs from the beginning you can see that we are moving to Colorado to give you all a better life than we had. Some of what you might not see are all the people who are giving us a hard time over this move and the new dynamic to our relationship. When your dad and I took our vows we agreed that no person, thing, job, or anything in this universe would come between him and I. Your dad and I know that we are now one person with God’s glue holding us together. We have tried to show that to the people in our lives: friends, family, extended family, play family and co-workers. But like the old saying goes “You can take a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.”
Starting this year we’re doing what we want for our family for the holidays. Apparently, we rubbed some people the wrong way with how we handled this past Thanksgiving. When your dad and I started dating we told everyone in his and my family that we need advance notice about any parties or get togethers. Since we were dating at the time we didn’t push the issue, but since this is our first set of holiday’s as a married couple and getting ready to leave to Colorado we are sticking to our guns. Don’t ever let anyone tell you we wanted nothing to do with them, we kept you away from them, we wouldn’t let you talk to them.
There might be some people in our family you don’t get to know, meet or spend time with growing up and I’ll apologize now. Just know that if anyone disrespected me, your dad didn’t let it fly; if anyone disrespected your dad, I didn’t let it fly. And if anyone disrespected our family they didn’t get the privilege to meet the angels that God blessed us with.
We Love You.