Tag Archives: growth

Reaching the Limit

There are times all through life,

We feel our limit has been met.

I’ve been at this crossing so often,

It’s a benefit to never forget.

I don’t forget the days,

I didn’t have the strength.

Days I couldn’t fake a smile, I hurt so much,

I could almost faint.  

 

I remember the times

I thought all my will was gone.

Remember the times I laughed,

When people told me I was strong.

Because would they still say that,

If they saw me here crying?

Would they still feel the same,

If they knew I welcomed the thought of dying?

 

That space completely blinds me,

Where I can’t see or create anything ahead.

My energy is drained, spirit crushed,

Any and all positivity is dead.

Because I’m in my head,

And not in my heart.

I let the stress manifest,

And it breaks me apart.

 

The key is to remember,

The days that limit broke,

I found the strength to go on,

My spirit stopped being choked.

Sounds like a joke,

But we must remember both.

The days it rained,

The days it shined.

The memory of breaking free,

From the limits that confined.

 

Copyright June 2018
-IxChel Tonantzin-

Authenticity at its Finest

Being authentic is something that doesn’t come easily, especially in the society we live in. The society that bombards us with psychological programming everywhere we turn; what’s considered beautiful, what’s socially acceptable, what’s “real”. In this society being authentic looks like lots of things some of us experience; things like, blood relatives praising your journey in your face and then talking about you behind you’re back, people telling you you’re brave while they gossip and laugh at you the minute you leave and it can look like people questioning you’re every motive, plan and thought out of their own personal fears and shortcomings.

Authenticity, to me, is being able to have a vision and set a plan, while also being comfortable knowing and saying “I don’t have all the answers.” Only a fool would claim to know everything about everything and I learned young that I didn’t want to be or look like a fool to anyone, especially not myself. Authenticity, in my eyes, is also being able to plow through all the negative talk, disrespectful relatives, hateful & unhappy people and still hold the vision. Sometimes holding onto the vision you have and what’s in your heart can be the loneliest stance you take because everyone isn’t on your frequency and that’s ok, that’s how the world maintains its balance. That space is also where we develop personal strength to endure the journey that was meant uniquely for us and no one else.

I have loads and loads of respect for people who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth, who don’t omit information when they’re talking to me, who have the nerve to come to me and tell me something I did or said rubbed them the wrong way because that’s the only way for me to grow and learn from that connection or interaction. So many times relationships fail or fall apart because people are too afraid to be authentic with themselves. So how can we really expect people to be authentic with us when they’re being fake with themselves? That’s unrealistic!! It’s also unrealistic to live your life not being authentic then expect and demand people be authentic with you… We get what we give from this life.

Recently my most authentic moment was realizing that I put someone I love in the position to be hurt by the same people that have hurt him over and over again since he was a child, due to my own narrow beliefs. Like many of us, I was raised to put “family first” and nothing came above family. So when I met my husband in 2010 and he told me he didn’t associate with his family anymore because of some negative situations that constantly put him in bad positions my ignorance of his experiences caused me to push and push and push. I’ve pushed for 7 years for him to keep trying, keep reaching out, keep spending time with them. People are human, I get that. But after our families both told us we would fail in Colorado and we didn’t, I thought that the next big move we made would be met with a more positive energy.

This is where I’d love to bring in being honest with yourself about who people show themselves to be. People really can’t help but be who they are. So when you see someone valuing things you don’t value, that’s a huge clue that they’re not on your frequency or vibration.

Trust what people show you over what they tell you!

After our move from Colorado to New Mexico was almost complete we decided to tell our families that we sold our house and took the money to buy the property we’ve been wanting since we left California. My husband’s family told us so many positive things and how great of a job we were doing. Next thing I know we’re getting calls from other family members telling us not to be discouraged, don’t listen to what people say, and, the famous, “so and so said you’re stupid for making that move.” Why did I expect anything different? How can people change while sitting there telling you they want the same things they wanted when they were in high school? That was dumb on my part to see no efforts in self work, loving themselves and their son more than they showed us before. And the end of it all, the person that hurt was the person I’ve loved through lifetimes.

The moral of the story is, believe people when you catch them not being authentic and be authentic enough to call a spade a spade when you see it.

-IxChel-

 

Divine Timing in Chaos, Flowing

Since Daniel and I met in 2010 we’ve come face to face with some pretty heavy shifts, changes, obstacles and lessons. We learned soon in our journey that we felt like we were pushing and pushing and pushing for things to happen and nothing would flourish. When we first felt the energy we were in California and we shifted completely out of the state, to a state where we had no friends or family. I fought it at first, I won’t lie. Then Spirit started hitting me with obvious signs. Colorado license plates everywhere, Colorado on the radio, Colorado on TV, Colorado in the movies we watched… It was crazy!

Fast forward to 2016. We started noticing the same energy. People and businesses we tried to collaborate with wouldn’t support us, wouldn’t share posts, buy products or be a beneficial partner in events and collaboration efforts. One day it all hit me. I stepped back out of frustration and got still and silent. I asked myself, “When was the last time you experienced something like this?” The answer was loud and clear, CALI. That was the exact moment I accepted the call to this 3rd life shift.

Most people don’t take the time to know that we chose Colorado for several reasons, not just marijuana legalization. We’ve always wanted a family, we knew we needed to heal, we knew we needed healthy space from our families and we knew we both loved nature. The day that marijuana was recreationally legalized came about a year after we had privately made the decision to migrate to Colorado and about a month after we announced it to our parents. When we read the news that recreational passed, we were already in Colorado headed to Estes Park to scope out areas of the state we were most drawn to.

Like many shifts in life we planned our little hearts out and most of it fell through. We counted on money from different places coming in at certain times, that fell through. I planned on getting a job as soon as we got here, that fell through. We planned on getting land in the mountains, that fell through. And there are times in life when you think

“Shit! I’m so sick and tired of everything I’m planning falling through!”

We’ve been there before too. The beautiful part about plans that fall through and feeling like our world is crashing down on us is the aftermath.

It’s hardly felt like divine timing when our plans have fallen through until this year. 2017 has had a ton of major lessons and epiphany’s for us and it’s only April! But the one thing we can say is that all the failed attempts opened the way for new energy, new messages and clarification of our soul purpose to come through! We’ve got some major shifts in the works for Zion Glory as a business, family and community that we’re bursting at the seems to tell you about!

Check out our most recent live video webinar, The Shift and Flow, to get some of the bread crumbs we’re dropping about our upcoming shifts and how we’ve learned to flow with plans falling through to allow our soul purpose to take foundation!

Life Shifts, Memories & Movement

I think everyone has a favorite update on at least one of their most used social apps. For me, it’s the “On This Day” timeline on Facebook. I love being able to scroll through all of the posts from the same day for the years prior that I’ve had Facebook and see what I was going through, what has changed, have I grown, have I stayed the same, do I have a different perspective. It’s more of a self check for my growth.

Then there’s days like today when I see pictures of my husband and I; 5 years ago we were publishing our Engagement Photos just a few days before we were scheduled to get married. I’ve been recollecting on that time. Only us and our 2 witnesses knew that we were getting married in a couple days because we got so fed up with all the drama that comes with planning a “traditional” wedding. 5 years ago, we were already feeling that particular tradition wasn’t for us, we didn’t feel like the plans were anything close to what we wanted. We just weren’t feeling it. It was almost like the excitement and love we had for each other was being drained by those around us who wanted THEIR vision of OUR marriage to be priority. So we decided to get married without telling anyone.

It was liberating. It was also tough to hear and see people not happy for us because we chose to do our own thing that resonated with us. But it was liberating because it was our first BIG decision as a solid unit and we knew that the first big decision we made needed to be in our best interest and something we both wanted in order to have a solid foundation in our relationship. Over the last 5 years we’ve built and added to that foundation by doing what ultimately always works for us but also by being well rounded. By that I mean, we still feel out other people’s opinions and ask for feedback before we decide on what we’re going to do.

I can see by looking back at our “On This Day” on Facebook that our lives have been so beautiful with the way we’ve decided to walk them. And just like 5 years ago we’re working on a big shift that most people would try to talk us out of with projections of fear and insecurity. It feels amazing to not have space to receive any of that, discuss it amongst ourselves and be like…

“YUP! This is what we’re going to do! DONE!

Sky Is The Limit? That’s It?!

How many times growing up did you hear a parent or teacher say, “What do you want to be when you grow up? Sky’s the limit!” like it was big enough to hold your dreams? I’m a firm believer in no limits besides the ones you set for yourself. I hear that now and think

“Wow. The sky used to seem so big. Now it seems too small for that purpose!”

Over the past 5 years I’ve grown in ways I never imaged. I’ve realized things about my past, memories and feelings that I didn’t understand until I was where I’m at, spiritually, now. When I started writing this today I had a picture of the Universe that I wanted to share and I planned on making a point to say that the Universe is the limit. During my spiritual growth spurt I’ve learned to pay attention to the words I’m using and “limit” carries an energy that has held me back.

The definition of “limit” is (1) a point or level beyond which something does not or may not extend or pass (2) a restriction on the size or the amount of something permissible or possible. My message I leave you with today is…

YOU ARE INFINITE!!

What’s In Your Cannabis?

When we moved to Colorado in 2012 we caught, and continue to catch, so much heat for coming right when it was legalized for recreational use. If we’re not hearing it from the “natives” then we’re hearing it from people who live in California, where we’re from. Bottom line is that yes we appreciate a certain plant that was created right along side a lot of other medicinal plants when the Earth was created. Now that we’ve got that all cleared up, I’m thoroughly disappointed in legalization.

For the last 2 years I’ve seen so many stories of people being hospitalized from marijuana; some people, in my opinion, got a little too high; it happens. But these stories about people being hospitalized because companies or growers that have state certifications, that are approved by the standards of the government, who decided they were going to use unapproved pesticides anyways. As a small business owner that has the knowledge and skill in my household to grow truly organic and pesticide-free marijuana, that’s frustrating because all it shows is a lack of skilled growers and a lack of honest business owners. To top it off, I know how to use marijuana in our company product line of all natural personal and skin care products but until now we haven’t had the money to invest in all of the fee’s and licenses required by the state to use them.

Then I go through my timeline on certain social media accounts and I see smaller businesses, startup businesses, advertising that they have cannabis infused products. So I do my research and half of these companies, if not more, don’t even have their business names registered in their state, let alone pay city, state and county taxes. As a business owner who values doing things the right way and still not fully subscribing to the system that the government is set up, I feel like, if the government can’t fully implement a law or process that it shouldn’t be implemented. That sort of goes back to something my parents taught me, “The lazy man works twice.”

So the purpose for my rant today is to make you, a cannabis consumer or user, aware that your safety when ingesting cannabis in any form is your own responsibility. If you’re not growing it on your own then you should be purchasing from someone who is a responsible grower or seller. Be diligent about your research and don’t simply sign someone, or a company, off as meeting your standards just because they have a certification from a government entity. If you haven’t learned anything about from the incidents and recalls that have been happening know that your well-being is your responsibility first!

Do you research and learn what truly organic growing is. Then research these dispensaries, read the labels on your cannabis and if doesn’t meet your standards, GO WITHOUT! It’s not worth ingesting harmful chemicals into your body just to chase a high.

Quitting Isn’t Always Giving Up!

My last post from January spoke about fear and how I’ve let it hold me back for so long. Throughout the closing of this chapter in my life I’ve realized that I let fear dictate so much of my life up until now.

I’ve been working for a certain employer for the past few years and over the last 2 years I’ve had every action, minute, emotion, tone, and word picked apart, scrutinized and dissected. I went through my phases; stress, anger, frustration, sadness and relief. The whole environment was toxic. Toxic to my health, energy and I had to shake that!

So I did! And you know what I manifested?! Exactly what I wanted!

Then to top it off, I was welcome with love, congratulations, encouragement and all around goodness from everyone, even strangers!! My spirit and body already feels like it’s been raised to a higher level and I’m not even done transforming yet! That’s what the most exciting part! So I encourage you to take your leaps! Honor your process but remember fear will not be a means to your happiness so shake it!

 

 

Fear Doesn’t Serve You

For a long time I blamed my shell and the walls I put up around myself on my insecurity but as I move out of that space it’s revealing to me another area that I still need to address; fear. The good thing about being willing to do the work to tap into your higher self is that you discover different layers of yourself. Not all end up being something that need to be worked on but the layers that need work are the most rewarding for me.

I used to despise rough patches or “tough times” but without them I’d be the same person I was when I was 18 and I don’t want to be that person forever. When I was that age I was still coming out of expecting everything to come to me easily and without any self work. Self work can be uncomfortable, no one likes their not so great parts pointed out for the world to see! Right?

Something about working through the parts of me that need refining is looking back at the storm after I’ve gone through it. The first thing that pops into my head is “Ehh… It wasn’t that bad!”

I know there’s so many people who are fighting themselves right now and I wanted to let you know that I support the unknown.

Only be venturing into the unknown are we able to discover parts of ourselves that have only resided in our darkness.

Bring that fear to light and handle it! Take hold of your dreams, your destiny and your desires! Our time is now!

Righteous Separation

When my husband and I moved from California to Colorado, it was as if we didn’t exists to any of our family members. Over the past 2 years we’ve heard our family’s opinions through my parents telling me what other “family members” were saying. Now it’s to the point where no one wants their kids around us… Funny because I don’t agree with my 7 year old cousin knowing where my aunt’s boyfriend buys his alcohol, and that “mommy and uncle drink on (blank) days of the week” and “this is where mommy and uncle like their alcohol to be in the fridge”. Let’s not get started with all the things that my different family members do that I don’t agree with. But my husband and I partake in a herb, a PLANT that is clearly outlined in the Bible as being food, sustenance and a holy sacrament and we’re “bad people” “hippies” “rasta” “unethical”. IT PISSES ME OFF!

And when the anger subsides all that’s left is pure pain. The people who claimed all my life they loved me lied. What they should have said was “Tina we love you as long as you remain Catholic (the religion that the Spaniards came and forced onto your raped ancestors), don’t smoke weed, drink alcohol, and fall in line with the rest of society.” How can any person with even a smidgen of common sense or a brain cell not see how that would hurt? To take it even further, how can people think that not speaking to the first born niece & grand daughter wouldn’t hurt me?

The most comedic part about it all is that NO ONE in my family has been around me NOT “high” since I turned 18! I’m now 28 years old and I’ve taken care of my baby cousins, reasoned with my aunts, uncles and grandparents, completed personal and family responsibilities… All while “HIGH”, so how bad or negative of a person can I be?! I stuck around and by my family in California even though I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS felt like the odd ball, the black sheep, and the one that just didn’t fit. I almost didn’t leave the state SPECIFICALLY FOR my family.

I bet they don’t all remember when one of my aunts moved to a house about 45 minutes from the radius most of my family lived in. I think I remember being 7-10 years old at the time. I witnessed first hand certain aunts and even my more immediate household bashing my aunt. “Well of she doesn’t want to be around us then we won’t go to any events at the house!” Or “She’s the one that moved all the way out there and now she wants the whole family to go out and visit?!” It was comments like these that brainwashed me. Because for a while I was 100% on board with all their opinions. Until the day my husband suggested “What if we move to another state?” and reality hit me, i was now going to be in that aunt’s place. I’m now the person that has been cast aside as a “bad seed” or “the one that doesn’t want to be around the family.” And I wonder, if any one of these “family members” have taken 1 second to remember the reasons why we left. Reasons like… Excessive police harassment, excessive discrimination, excessive bullshit tickets, excessive wait times at the DMV, excessive money and time spent on trying to handle bullshit tickets, cost of living, air pollution, infertility, stress, low paying jobs with high stress, just to name a few.

I wonder if anyone even listened? Did anyone bother to retain it? Does it even really matter? Or did we say we were moving and get crossed off everyone’s list automatically?

Something that is of the utmost importance to me is this Vow of Separation. It is a change that I made that wasn’t taken lightly. The Vow of the Nazarites, based on Numbers 6 states ” 6 Then the Lord said to Moses, 2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. “If any of the people, either men or women, take the special vow of a Nazirite, setting themselves apart to the Lord in a special way, 3 they must give up wine and other alcoholic drinks. They must not use vinegar made from wine or from other alcoholic drinks, they must not drink fresh grape juice, and they must not eat grapes or raisins. 4 As long as they are bound by their Nazirite vow, they are not allowed to eat or drink anything that comes from a grapevine—not even the grape seeds or skins.
5 “They must never cut their hair throughout the time of their vow, for they are holy and set apart to the Lord. Until the time of their vow has been fulfilled, they must let their hair grow long. 6 And they must not go near a dead body during the entire period of their vow to the Lord. 7 Even if the dead person is their own father, mother, brother, or sister, they must not defile themselves, for the hair on their head is the symbol of their separation to God. 8 This requirement applies as long as they are set apart to the Lord.
9 “If someone falls dead beside them, the hair they have dedicated will be defiled. They must wait for seven days and then shave their heads. Then they will be cleansed from their defilement. 10 On the eighth day they must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle.[a] 11 The priest will offer one of the birds for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way, he will purify them[b] from the guilt they incurred through contact with the dead body. Then they must reaffirm their commitment and let their hair begin to grow again. 12 The days of their vow that were completed before their defilement no longer count. They must rededicate themselves to the Lord as a Nazirite for the full term of their vow, and each must bring a one-year-old male lamb for a guilt offering.”

They may seem like just dreadlocks, and it may seem like we just want to smoke but only to uneducated people who refuse to be open-minded and listen to parts of the Bible that churches skim right past, don’t explain or don’t teach! It wasn’t easy to take that vow, it wasn’t easy to vow not to attend any funerals when I haven’t last any of my immediate family. It wasn’t easy to give up drinking alcohol, or eating beef, or stop eating grapes or raisins. And it dam sure wasn’t easy to loc up my hair and watch everyone treat me as less than a person, or assume that I don’t wash my hair.

None of this is easy but InI wasn’t call to a life of ease and cupcakes. Jah has a righteous plan for InI time on this Earth and InI won’t let the negative of people, INCLUDING FAMILY, to deter InI from I mission!

JAH!!!!!!!!! RAS TAFARI!!!!!!!! ❤️💛💚

Constant Appreciation

Life in general is hard when you look back at everywhere you’ve been, who you’ve lost, mistakes you’ve made, and possibly secrets you still hold. But when you’re in a place of security, safety and pure love we are not bound by the past. We’re free to accept the past for what it was and who it made up and move forward with the lessons the past has provided. There is a sense of freedom when I look back on all the things that could have took me down another path, had I had chosen another option.

Just yesterday I was standing in the store picking out some snacks and I felt this wave of fluttering nervousness rise up in my stomach. When I looked to my left, my king was walking down the aisle toward me. It made me think of the first time I met him. Meeting this random guy from the internet who told me he just wanted to hook up. And no matter how much I told my friends or myself that he wasn’t anything to me, he was everything without even knowing. To the point where my spirit can feel him hitting a corner before my eyes even saw him. It was touching. Even not typing out what happened and what I felt brings tears of joy to my eyes and makes the love in my heart beat harder with every muscle contraction.

The other night I had another dream about my son, my soon-to-be son. The first time I met him was a few weeks ago following the night I dreamt of our soon-to-be daughter as a teen. I knew it was our son not only because his smile, eyes and looks were a perfect blend of my king and I but I could feel his spirit, his happiness and his joy when he saw me. I’ve never felt that before. I felt like he is a part of me and I can feel everything he feels. Sometimes it’s scary to talk about or profess things that you have no way of knowing but that’s only when we let society and our past determine how we feel. I felt that was my son greeting me before he makes his grand entrance. I feel that although I interpreted the order of I dreams to tell me the order of I children, my son came to me and told me that he would be first. Although I’m scared to say this because I’m scared to be wrong… I feel like my son was speaking to me from the womb. Although I haven’t confirmed if I’m pregnant or not… My spirits tell me InI am.

Waiting patiently.