Tag Archives: honesty

Authenticity at its Finest

Being authentic is something that doesn’t come easily, especially in the society we live in. The society that bombards us with psychological programming everywhere we turn; what’s considered beautiful, what’s socially acceptable, what’s “real”. In this society being authentic looks like lots of things some of us experience; things like, blood relatives praising your journey in your face and then talking about you behind you’re back, people telling you you’re brave while they gossip and laugh at you the minute you leave and it can look like people questioning you’re every motive, plan and thought out of their own personal fears and shortcomings.

Authenticity, to me, is being able to have a vision and set a plan, while also being comfortable knowing and saying “I don’t have all the answers.” Only a fool would claim to know everything about everything and I learned young that I didn’t want to be or look like a fool to anyone, especially not myself. Authenticity, in my eyes, is also being able to plow through all the negative talk, disrespectful relatives, hateful & unhappy people and still hold the vision. Sometimes holding onto the vision you have and what’s in your heart can be the loneliest stance you take because everyone isn’t on your frequency and that’s ok, that’s how the world maintains its balance. That space is also where we develop personal strength to endure the journey that was meant uniquely for us and no one else.

I have loads and loads of respect for people who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth, who don’t omit information when they’re talking to me, who have the nerve to come to me and tell me something I did or said rubbed them the wrong way because that’s the only way for me to grow and learn from that connection or interaction. So many times relationships fail or fall apart because people are too afraid to be authentic with themselves. So how can we really expect people to be authentic with us when they’re being fake with themselves? That’s unrealistic!! It’s also unrealistic to live your life not being authentic then expect and demand people be authentic with you… We get what we give from this life.

Recently my most authentic moment was realizing that I put someone I love in the position to be hurt by the same people that have hurt him over and over again since he was a child, due to my own narrow beliefs. Like many of us, I was raised to put “family first” and nothing came above family. So when I met my husband in 2010 and he told me he didn’t associate with his family anymore because of some negative situations that constantly put him in bad positions my ignorance of his experiences caused me to push and push and push. I’ve pushed for 7 years for him to keep trying, keep reaching out, keep spending time with them. People are human, I get that. But after our families both told us we would fail in Colorado and we didn’t, I thought that the next big move we made would be met with a more positive energy.

This is where I’d love to bring in being honest with yourself about who people show themselves to be. People really can’t help but be who they are. So when you see someone valuing things you don’t value, that’s a huge clue that they’re not on your frequency or vibration.

Trust what people show you over what they tell you!

After our move from Colorado to New Mexico was almost complete we decided to tell our families that we sold our house and took the money to buy the property we’ve been wanting since we left California. My husband’s family told us so many positive things and how great of a job we were doing. Next thing I know we’re getting calls from other family members telling us not to be discouraged, don’t listen to what people say, and, the famous, “so and so said you’re stupid for making that move.” Why did I expect anything different? How can people change while sitting there telling you they want the same things they wanted when they were in high school? That was dumb on my part to see no efforts in self work, loving themselves and their son more than they showed us before. And the end of it all, the person that hurt was the person I’ve loved through lifetimes.

The moral of the story is, believe people when you catch them not being authentic and be authentic enough to call a spade a spade when you see it.

-IxChel-

 

A Turning World Always Changes

Sometimes I look back and meditate on the last few months and I can’t see where my zest for writing went. Then I look around me, my current state, my current daily activities and I see where I lost it. The disappointing part is that I do this to myself. I get so wrapped up in one thing that I don’t make time to even think about the things that I love to do. Then the times that I do think about it I’m so bound to other obligations, by my own fault completely, that I “don’t have time”. 

My husband and I have been in the process of buying our first home and so many negative and positive things have happened that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. What I can say about this period of transition is that is has brought my husband and I closer. This is my most treasured outcome. Then there are things that hang in the balance; when will my king work again? Will I get this promotion I’ve been verbally promised? Will we be evicted? How do people see me? 

Today I met up with a person I became friends with around 6-8 months ago, we fell out over a miscommunication and she contacted me yesterday, seemingly out of no where. Now I know, neither of us were sure about how our next conversation would go but we both went through with meeting up today. When I saw her it was as if things had never changed, even before we started talking. In the middle of all the negative things that are going on she brought a little more light to my darkness with her genuine smile and greeting. 

After speaking with my friend today I realized my own faults in the situation, I realized that what she said about how she felt I was going to respond was right and is something that needed to be improved on, I saw that this person had true and pure love for me. When she said “I didn’t realized what I had when I had it” I knew that my friendship was important to her. Love you girl. 

Write about your strongest memory of heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness: what caused the adrenaline? Was it justified? How did you respond?

My strongest memory of a heart-pounding belly-twisting nervousness is when a huge lie was discovered. What caused the adrenaline was the fact that I was attempting to cover up a lie. The adrenaline was justified but I was still wrong. I responded with honesty and disappointment. Honesty because I had already hurt the one person that loved me the most I wasn’t able to sit there and lie when there was proof. Disappointment because I was thinking only of myself and letting revenge and old heart breaks overcome my morals and common sense.

Although this was a time in which I failed, let myself down, and hurt the love of my life I was set free. Free from the bondage of sin and lying. Free to love unconditionally and let the wounds heal with love. I became a better person from falling. By getting up from breaking and being broken I was humbled and reminded of a motto I’ve sworn I lived by until the day I was actually tested and failed,

I’ll always be real with you as long as you are real with me.

A short simple statement that carried much more weight than I expected could have never changed my life in the way that it did.