Tag Archives: humility

Authenticity at its Finest

Being authentic is something that doesn’t come easily, especially in the society we live in. The society that bombards us with psychological programming everywhere we turn; what’s considered beautiful, what’s socially acceptable, what’s “real”. In this society being authentic looks like lots of things some of us experience; things like, blood relatives praising your journey in your face and then talking about you behind you’re back, people telling you you’re brave while they gossip and laugh at you the minute you leave and it can look like people questioning you’re every motive, plan and thought out of their own personal fears and shortcomings.

Authenticity, to me, is being able to have a vision and set a plan, while also being comfortable knowing and saying “I don’t have all the answers.” Only a fool would claim to know everything about everything and I learned young that I didn’t want to be or look like a fool to anyone, especially not myself. Authenticity, in my eyes, is also being able to plow through all the negative talk, disrespectful relatives, hateful & unhappy people and still hold the vision. Sometimes holding onto the vision you have and what’s in your heart can be the loneliest stance you take because everyone isn’t on your frequency and that’s ok, that’s how the world maintains its balance. That space is also where we develop personal strength to endure the journey that was meant uniquely for us and no one else.

I have loads and loads of respect for people who aren’t afraid to tell me the truth, who don’t omit information when they’re talking to me, who have the nerve to come to me and tell me something I did or said rubbed them the wrong way because that’s the only way for me to grow and learn from that connection or interaction. So many times relationships fail or fall apart because people are too afraid to be authentic with themselves. So how can we really expect people to be authentic with us when they’re being fake with themselves? That’s unrealistic!! It’s also unrealistic to live your life not being authentic then expect and demand people be authentic with you… We get what we give from this life.

Recently my most authentic moment was realizing that I put someone I love in the position to be hurt by the same people that have hurt him over and over again since he was a child, due to my own narrow beliefs. Like many of us, I was raised to put “family first” and nothing came above family. So when I met my husband in 2010 and he told me he didn’t associate with his family anymore because of some negative situations that constantly put him in bad positions my ignorance of his experiences caused me to push and push and push. I’ve pushed for 7 years for him to keep trying, keep reaching out, keep spending time with them. People are human, I get that. But after our families both told us we would fail in Colorado and we didn’t, I thought that the next big move we made would be met with a more positive energy.

This is where I’d love to bring in being honest with yourself about who people show themselves to be. People really can’t help but be who they are. So when you see someone valuing things you don’t value, that’s a huge clue that they’re not on your frequency or vibration.

Trust what people show you over what they tell you!

After our move from Colorado to New Mexico was almost complete we decided to tell our families that we sold our house and took the money to buy the property we’ve been wanting since we left California. My husband’s family told us so many positive things and how great of a job we were doing. Next thing I know we’re getting calls from other family members telling us not to be discouraged, don’t listen to what people say, and, the famous, “so and so said you’re stupid for making that move.” Why did I expect anything different? How can people change while sitting there telling you they want the same things they wanted when they were in high school? That was dumb on my part to see no efforts in self work, loving themselves and their son more than they showed us before. And the end of it all, the person that hurt was the person I’ve loved through lifetimes.

The moral of the story is, believe people when you catch them not being authentic and be authentic enough to call a spade a spade when you see it.



A Tear in a Moment of Clarity

This morning I was driving to work listening to 99.5 FM, Focus on the Family. There was a husband and wife talking about their experience of divorce and remarriage and how God worked in their lives and brought them back together. When the woman started talking about her affair and how alone she felt with her husband it reminded me of when I was hiding something similar from my husband before we got married. As the husband on the show began to describe his anger and pain I started to cry.

The entire time I was hiding these other feelings for this other person I failed to think of someone other than me. I failed to remember the person who put me before everything and how he would feel when he found out; not IF he found out… but WHEN he found out. After 8 years of searching for the spiritual truth, one of the major lessons I’ve learned is that everything done in the dark will come to light.

When the woman was describing how she felt before the divorce, I remembered feeling the same way before my husband and I got married and before he found out about this other person. For some reason, hearing another woman talk about how she fell then say that some part of her still loved her husband moved me. She then talked about how that one little thing was her vows and it that’s when it really hit me. The day my husband and I reconciled is embedded in my mind like it was yesterday. I remember where we were at, where I stood, and what I said; but most of all I remember that look in my husband’s eye when he asked me “What am I supposed to do?” A piece of me died that day with him.

Now I’d like to think that selfishness in me died that day and he replaced it with his unconditional love because I’ve never felt so secure with a man in my life. I did the worst thing possible to him, we weren’t married and he still forgave me AND stayed to work through it together. Then something else hit me.. This couple on the radio was talking about a MARRIAGE.. not a dating relationship. But to my husband (boyfriend at the time) it doesn’t seem to have mattered because the bottom line was he loved me.

It was as I pulled into my job’s parking lot, with tears filling my eyes, when I realized that I wasn’t crying because I still felt bad but I was crying because now I can physically feel the pain he went through when he found out. I can feel it because I allowed him full access to my heart. Not that this is the first time this has happened.. BUT, it’s the first time it’s happened with a man I know I can trust to treat my heart like pure gold. No one could ever give a gift worth more than that.