Tag Archives: pain

That One Time I Fell Off a Trailer

About a month after we purchased our land in New Mexico, my parents gifted us with a 40 ft. shipping container to use for storage. We’d been paying for a storage unit in Colorado and were feeling very disconnected and not fully able to run our business with most of our things still in Colorado. So we planned a last trip to Colorado to collect all our things from storage in August. We had just purchased a new heavy duty trailer, strong enough for us to haul water while we wait for our well to get dug, and were doing the last of the unpacking of some small items we left floating around in it. Then it started to rain.

I was in my cool clothes, tank top, cool pants, etc., even though it was technically monsoon season out here. And I was wearing my Vibrams (toe shoes). We had let down the back of the trailer and had been using it as a ramp to walk up and down before it started sprinkling.

I’m still a city girl, born and bred, and I’m still undergoing my unlearning and relearning of my Earthly powers. Although I’m a Scorpio through and through, a deep water sign, I tend to not want to get wet when I’m wearing clothes. I despise the way wet clothes feel on my body, I feel confined and sticky. Plus we’d been living out of a tent for a month and I was 100% out of my comfort zone so I started to notice that I would lean toward small comforts when I could get them. Air conditioning, running water… Being dry haha!

On the flip side of that same coin, I’ve got family members and (technically) acquaintances, we sometimes call friends, asking “How is Tina doing? Are y’all staying in a hotel?” and I’m not going to lie, I was a little offended at how fragile and rigid people thought I was. It fueled me. When the rain started coming down I thought to myself “Alright! Time to get this done so we can get in the car, LET’S GO!” I kept up my pace picking things off the floor of the trailer, one of the items was a rachet tie. When I turned around and felt my right foot slip out from under me I knew it was going to be bad so I guess I tried to brace myself. I felt myself hit the ramp of the trailer and I was in so much pain I couldn’t even cry.

All the voice, power, conviction had left me. It made me think of the time I fell running up the stairs when I first started dating my King. Back in my Cali days I just laid there and wished I could disappear so I didn’t have to see his reaction to my fall lol This time I had nothing to let out the pain was so deep. When I finally caught my breath I rolled over onto my stomach and started to cry softly, little by little louder and louder the more I paid attention for my pain. Eventually I found this gash in my arm from my weight falling straight onto the metal rachet I was carrying and it was bleeding like crazy. I thought to myself,

“Well… You wanted to see how powerful this All Healing Rub is! Here it goes! Get to healing!”

I picked my ass up off that trailer ramp, everything that touched my skin down to my clothes was shooting pain all throughout my body but I didn’t want my King to baby me. I encouraged him to finish while I went to clean the cut and tend to it. I came back, still in pain, crying, cut bandaged up, All Healing Rub in hand and ready to get on the road to our last trip to Colorado. That moment and what followed after was liberating! I had already created something that was perfect to stop bleeding, clean open cuts and address the pain that I made several years before being here in this moment, cut, bleeding and in pain! Over the next few weeks I applied the rub liberally and I shared my story with people we met who asked me. I had bruises all the way up my arm, as you can see, so I was happy to see that the more I talked about it the more I laughed about it.

Through my healing process I’ve learned to take ownership of where I could have done better and this was a HUGE learning experience for me. I knew better. I knew that rain meant slippery but I wasn’t thinking about that before I stepped on the ramp and ate it, bad. LOL! Honestly, that’s common sense! I had no one to blame but myself and trust me, I tried to blame the rain!

Balance. Balance taught me that even if something hurt I can smile and laugh about it too. Balance taught me that yes I was thinking about completing the task but not thinking about safety while completing it. Balance taught me to stop fighting the falls and ROLL WITH IT! I’m convinced that if I would have made an effort to roll I wouldn’t have split my arm open. Balance taught me that sometimes peoples fragile ass opinions of you can make you stronger and give you fuel to push harder. Balance taught me that I’ll have plenty more practice perfecting this lesson and whether I’m physically or spiritually falling, tuck and roll is the best bet!!

Balance taught me STRENGTH in weakness!!

Since this lesson has been one of the main energies I’ve been learning about for the last 32 years I’ve decided to offer an amazing new course focused on Mastering the Energy of Divine Balance! Check it out HERE!

 

-IxChel-

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Bug Rub Blowout November!

Since I was a very little child I attracted bugs and insect bites. Some of you might have heard the saying,

“They like you because you have sweet blood.”

Well, that was me. As I got older they got worse. But none like the ones I got in Mexico when I was 11. It looks like I had golf balls all over my arms. It was disgusting and it hurt so bad. The closest thing to that was when I was working for the Department of Public Health for LA County.

I was about 22 years old and I disliked my job, felt under appreciate, I over worked all the time and I was constantly being single out and retaliated against for being efficient. So I decided to actually take a lunch this day. I brought my journal, my lunch and a book and picked a semi-shady table under one of the many trees that partially enclosed this employee courtyard. When I came back from lunch I started noticing an itchy sensation on both of my ankles and when I looked down I could instantly tell they were already swollen.

Being that I was so unhappy at my job I was very sick in several ways. My self esteem was down, I was insecure and I truly felt like there was something so much bigger for me but I was being held back. So I had frequent migraines, the reason for our Headache & Sleep Aid, and I had frequent anxiety attacks that kept me out of work many times. What I’m getting at is, when I asked to leave early and even showed my bites, I had already been out sick so much that my supervisor wouldn’t let me go home. She offered me asprin and tylenol but I was already moving away from western medicine and looking to more natural ways to tend to my health and that of my family. Unfortunately, that isn’t accepted by our health insurance coverage so I just felt trapped all the way around. With my ankles swollen, itchy and in pain.

Closer to the end of the day I was called to my supervisors office and I couldn’t get up from my chair because the pain in my ankles was so great. They were now red and even more swollen. It was less than an hour to go before the end of my shift for the day so she let me go. It was that day I started formulating our Bug Rub. At the time it was the simple fact that I couldn’t let bug bites keep me from going to work. I ended up being out of work for 2 days after that because I couldn’t get the swelling to go down at all.

Now I know I’m not the only one who reacts to bites like this. And what I love about the way I channeled the formula is that it ended up being good as a repellent and as a bite treatment! Plus, it might be getting cooler but we’re still seeing spiders coming out of hiding before the winter hits. So we wanted to make sure that everyone has a sufficient about of Bug Rub to be prepared!

For those of you who follow us closely, you’ll know that most of our products work even better when paired with our All Healing Rub. Our Bug Rub is NO different! So we decided to do something a little extra special with this batch! This batch of Bug Rub will have a limited supply of a special blend of All Healing Rub and Bug Rub!!! TWO products, ONE size!!! How awesome is that!?

And as if that wasn’t good enough…

You can now use BUGBEGONE to get 35% OFF!!

Righteous Separation

When my husband and I moved from California to Colorado, it was as if we didn’t exists to any of our family members. Over the past 2 years we’ve heard our family’s opinions through my parents telling me what other “family members” were saying. Now it’s to the point where no one wants their kids around us… Funny because I don’t agree with my 7 year old cousin knowing where my aunt’s boyfriend buys his alcohol, and that “mommy and uncle drink on (blank) days of the week” and “this is where mommy and uncle like their alcohol to be in the fridge”. Let’s not get started with all the things that my different family members do that I don’t agree with. But my husband and I partake in a herb, a PLANT that is clearly outlined in the Bible as being food, sustenance and a holy sacrament and we’re “bad people” “hippies” “rasta” “unethical”. IT PISSES ME OFF!

And when the anger subsides all that’s left is pure pain. The people who claimed all my life they loved me lied. What they should have said was “Tina we love you as long as you remain Catholic (the religion that the Spaniards came and forced onto your raped ancestors), don’t smoke weed, drink alcohol, and fall in line with the rest of society.” How can any person with even a smidgen of common sense or a brain cell not see how that would hurt? To take it even further, how can people think that not speaking to the first born niece & grand daughter wouldn’t hurt me?

The most comedic part about it all is that NO ONE in my family has been around me NOT “high” since I turned 18! I’m now 28 years old and I’ve taken care of my baby cousins, reasoned with my aunts, uncles and grandparents, completed personal and family responsibilities… All while “HIGH”, so how bad or negative of a person can I be?! I stuck around and by my family in California even though I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS felt like the odd ball, the black sheep, and the one that just didn’t fit. I almost didn’t leave the state SPECIFICALLY FOR my family.

I bet they don’t all remember when one of my aunts moved to a house about 45 minutes from the radius most of my family lived in. I think I remember being 7-10 years old at the time. I witnessed first hand certain aunts and even my more immediate household bashing my aunt. “Well of she doesn’t want to be around us then we won’t go to any events at the house!” Or “She’s the one that moved all the way out there and now she wants the whole family to go out and visit?!” It was comments like these that brainwashed me. Because for a while I was 100% on board with all their opinions. Until the day my husband suggested “What if we move to another state?” and reality hit me, i was now going to be in that aunt’s place. I’m now the person that has been cast aside as a “bad seed” or “the one that doesn’t want to be around the family.” And I wonder, if any one of these “family members” have taken 1 second to remember the reasons why we left. Reasons like… Excessive police harassment, excessive discrimination, excessive bullshit tickets, excessive wait times at the DMV, excessive money and time spent on trying to handle bullshit tickets, cost of living, air pollution, infertility, stress, low paying jobs with high stress, just to name a few.

I wonder if anyone even listened? Did anyone bother to retain it? Does it even really matter? Or did we say we were moving and get crossed off everyone’s list automatically?

Something that is of the utmost importance to me is this Vow of Separation. It is a change that I made that wasn’t taken lightly. The Vow of the Nazarites, based on Numbers 6 states ” 6 Then the Lord said to Moses, 2 “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. “If any of the people, either men or women, take the special vow of a Nazirite, setting themselves apart to the Lord in a special way, 3 they must give up wine and other alcoholic drinks. They must not use vinegar made from wine or from other alcoholic drinks, they must not drink fresh grape juice, and they must not eat grapes or raisins. 4 As long as they are bound by their Nazirite vow, they are not allowed to eat or drink anything that comes from a grapevine—not even the grape seeds or skins.
5 “They must never cut their hair throughout the time of their vow, for they are holy and set apart to the Lord. Until the time of their vow has been fulfilled, they must let their hair grow long. 6 And they must not go near a dead body during the entire period of their vow to the Lord. 7 Even if the dead person is their own father, mother, brother, or sister, they must not defile themselves, for the hair on their head is the symbol of their separation to God. 8 This requirement applies as long as they are set apart to the Lord.
9 “If someone falls dead beside them, the hair they have dedicated will be defiled. They must wait for seven days and then shave their heads. Then they will be cleansed from their defilement. 10 On the eighth day they must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle.[a] 11 The priest will offer one of the birds for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way, he will purify them[b] from the guilt they incurred through contact with the dead body. Then they must reaffirm their commitment and let their hair begin to grow again. 12 The days of their vow that were completed before their defilement no longer count. They must rededicate themselves to the Lord as a Nazirite for the full term of their vow, and each must bring a one-year-old male lamb for a guilt offering.”

They may seem like just dreadlocks, and it may seem like we just want to smoke but only to uneducated people who refuse to be open-minded and listen to parts of the Bible that churches skim right past, don’t explain or don’t teach! It wasn’t easy to take that vow, it wasn’t easy to vow not to attend any funerals when I haven’t last any of my immediate family. It wasn’t easy to give up drinking alcohol, or eating beef, or stop eating grapes or raisins. And it dam sure wasn’t easy to loc up my hair and watch everyone treat me as less than a person, or assume that I don’t wash my hair.

None of this is easy but InI wasn’t call to a life of ease and cupcakes. Jah has a righteous plan for InI time on this Earth and InI won’t let the negative of people, INCLUDING FAMILY, to deter InI from I mission!

JAH!!!!!!!!! RAS TAFARI!!!!!!!! ❤️💛💚

Heat & Growth

A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Yesterday I sat back in our reclining, massaging, theater seating and thought to myself “I still can’t believe this is all ours.” From the way everyone treated me for my mistakes growing up I sometimes expected to never have anything of value. After leaving California and the heavy shadow my family casts over InI, InI have realized that things of value can not be seen, held, or sold. Things of real value can only be felt. But even though InI know this InI am imperfect and sometimes I still measure my success with monetary things. And when that thought came across my mind yesterday I couldn’t help but think “This is why no one is happy for me! I’m mentally and spiritually awake AND I have the monetary possessions that my family uses to measure success!!”

Nothing ever prepares me the sting of sadness that follows when weeks go by and I don’t hear from anyone in my family; or updates are sent out and my own sister doesn’t even congratulate me on being a new home owner. Although I overstand why these people are not in my direct life anymore it still hurts. This morning I woke up with a heavy sadness on my heart. I’ve been trying to shake it all day and I can’t. I can’t stop the random tears, I can’t even stop thinking about feeling sad. How sad is that?
It’s so easy to get upset when people treat you differently. Especially when you give your righteous heart and soul to everything you do.

After experiencing this treatment while I worked for LA County for 8 years and here in my current position I’ve come to realize that people treat me like this when they are threatened. Although it may not be the best treatment, overstanding the reason behind people’s actions brings me a small amount of comfort. What really helps me to trod on is my husband, my king, my twin flame. He always consoles me by using the exact same things I tell other people for comfort and advice. I’m so grateful to the King of Kings for letting me re-connect with my twin flame so that we can conquer this world of evil, Babylon. With my King InI can conquer everything! JAH RASTAFARI!!!!

Safe Heart, Transparent Eyes

I see your eyes meet mine, 
Pain from the past,
Melts down inside.
But my feelings must hide
Because they’re much too strong.
To have developed like this,
Over, not too long.
 
But my eyes tell all,
They can’t hide my secrets.
So when mine meet yours,
I know you see it.
 
For some reason,
You see it all;
The smile in my eyes,
And when I’m about to ball. 
 
From a distance, I admire you 
Everytime I’m around.
Then make sure to turn my eyes,
So I don’t get clowned.
 
But it’s starting not to matter,
I don’t care who see’s.
Then I have to check myself,
Because I know me.
 
I’ll treat you like my man,
Even if you don’t deserve it yet.
Let my heart run crazy,
And in reality I forget.
You don’t know the depths
My love can travel.
I’ve loved so hard
My knees hit gravel.

On a public sidewalk,
My love had no shame.
Many times one-way love,
Had my body feel no pain.
 
Just burning anguish
In my soul.
Frost bite of the heart,
That made me cold.
 
So when I tell you, I doubt,
Your words can’t put me at ease.
See where I’m coming from,
Understand me PLEASE!