Tag Archives: poetry

Reaching the Limit

There are times all through life,

We feel our limit has been met.

I’ve been at this crossing so often,

It’s a benefit to never forget.

I don’t forget the days,

I didn’t have the strength.

Days I couldn’t fake a smile, I hurt so much,

I could almost faint.  

 

I remember the times

I thought all my will was gone.

Remember the times I laughed,

When people told me I was strong.

Because would they still say that,

If they saw me here crying?

Would they still feel the same,

If they knew I welcomed the thought of dying?

 

That space completely blinds me,

Where I can’t see or create anything ahead.

My energy is drained, spirit crushed,

Any and all positivity is dead.

Because I’m in my head,

And not in my heart.

I let the stress manifest,

And it breaks me apart.

 

The key is to remember,

The days that limit broke,

I found the strength to go on,

My spirit stopped being choked.

Sounds like a joke,

But we must remember both.

The days it rained,

The days it shined.

The memory of breaking free,

From the limits that confined.

 

Copyright June 2018
-IxChel Tonantzin-

Sister Standing

How can you stand there,

Act like you know what I’m about?

Judging my life,

While turning your snout.

 

We’ve shared homes, tables, food and friends.

I’ve tried to connect with you over and over again.

Only to get no reply, brushed off again.

Sister, I truly don’t understand.

 

You’ve always fought against me,

While standing directly adjacent.

But then I put myself out there,

And your gun I’m facin’.

 

I stand in that space,

Too prideful to cry but my heart is breaking.

Seeing it’s my sister,

Finger on the trigger and shaking.

 

You can squeeze or walk away…

But I’ll always stay.

First Published Work Coming Soon!

I can honestly say that I’ve always said I wanted to be published but there was always a part of my mind that didn’t think it was going to happen. About a month ago I saw a call for art, poetry and different artistic works to be published in a book that my job does yearly prints of works. I submitted a poem about my mom called ‘My Strength’. 

A couple weeks ago I got a confirmation that they wanted to publish my work without any changes!! Now I’ve got this paragraph bio to write and it’s so hard to sum up who I am in a paragraph! Needless to say I’m excited, I’m happy and I’m encouraged; to see my name on the shelves of bookstores for Yah’s greatness, yes!

Wrap Up 2012, Foreword to 2013

I’m so happy to finally be back on here writing again. Sad to say that I’ve let the opinions and indirect negative comments from people in my family keep me from writing, again. And even though it hurts me, it sets up a great challenge for me to face as a writer for the upcoming year. The day after Christmas my husband bought me this book, Your First Novel by Ann Rittenberg and Laura Whitcomb. In the forward written by Dennis Lehane this compilation of words slapped me out of my depression,

You should write because you can’t not write. You should write because some stray scrap of your soul is trying to manifest itself verbally. You should write because story is your preferred method by which to make order out of the chaos we call existence. You should write because even though the process terrifies you, the absence of that process terrifies you more.

This spoke volumes to me. When I got to the last word I felt like an enormous powerful dragon awoke inside me and was ready to slice through anything in its path. This is what I was made for.

The other day I was confronted by my mother about complaints she got about something that was supposedly posted on Facebook. For 2013 I’ve decided to drastically diminish the use of this site, mainly because it is nothing but drama and snoops. When I heard the complaint I knew it was something someone read on one of my blog posts. Sadly, I was asked to filter myself again. I was asked not to write certain things on certain sites…. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I finally told my parents what I feel like when they ask me to do this, being that this is not the first or second time they have scolded me for this. Bear in mind that I am 27 years old and living with my husband.

The rise of my true self didn’t come out as I expected. For months I’ve been secretly dreading the moment in which that monster was unleashed and to whom it would unleash on, unfortunately it was my parents. Fortunately, the beast was nothing more than a hurt child. Before I knew it tears were welling up in my eyes, my nose started burning and I started to feel my bottom lip tremble, again. Next thing I knew, these words came out of my mouth.

I’m not going to not write what I feel like! Have you ever taken the time to think about what it’s like to not be able to write down my emotions, write what I’m feeling and write what I can’t express in other ways. I can’t even put a pen to paper without worrying who is going to judge me or not like what I say. Do you have any idea what that feels like!!!? And if someone has a problem with my emotions, my opinions or what I write on whatever site I decide to write it on, they need to bring that to me! Am I not an adult? I don’t need people to go through you because they don’t like something I do, they need to bring that to me if we’re all going to be adults about it!

That was the release. Because later on I realized, while talking to my husband, that I’ve been filtering myself on paper since the day my parents read my journal and found out I had smoked a Black & Mild (mini cigar). We all see it in movies and laugh at it when children blow up over a lack of “privacy” but that day is embedded in my mind. I remember feeling betrayed, not trusted, invaded, embarrassed. Each timed something in my life happened as a result of my own written words I’ve drawn back from writing. And I’ve been sad. I didn’t realize until yesterday that each time I’ve stopped writing then started again I’ve felt alive, free, and at ease with my thoughts and feelings. There is something therapeutic about writing anything to me.

This roller coaster of emotions stops tonight. After deep and careful thought, reading friends New Year’s resolutions, praying and talking to my husband I’ve come up with the following goals for 2013 (I’ve decided not to make resolutions because I’m not doing anything temporarily I’m making a permanent change for as long as God wants):

  • I will study my Bible daily.
  • I will make and maintain a writing schedule for myself.
  • I will have a completed manuscript by the end of the year.
  • I will move to Colorado and establish a new life.
  • I will read constantly and review.
  • I will establish and maintain a healthy regime.
  • I will not be afraid to me myself.

I look forward to spending the night bringing in the New Year with my husband and planning our family goals for 2013. Please stay smart and safe where ever you are reading this blog tonight.

One Love, The Mooney’s.

Poetry Book Editing Starts

I’ve finally allowed my husband to talk me into going through all my old poetry and compiling the best ones for a book. I personally don’t feel my poems are very special but I’ve been told by numerous people that I say and word things in a unique way.

So today I’m going to start reading each of my favorites and begin editing updating and improving them. Eventually I’ll compile a manuscript and begin submitting it to publishers and see what kind of response I get! Honestly a little nervous but I’ll get over it.

Like Bob Marley said “You won’t get anywhere if you don’t start somewhere.”

DOUBTLESS CHANGE

I never find words to describe,

The excitement I feel inside.

It’s nothing like I’ve ever known;

Leave everything I know,

To establish a new home.

I look at my husband,

In total amazement.

Never thought I was worthy,

Of a life so amazin.

We’ve experienced so many new things,

Another first for us both.

We’ve left old lovers,

Fought for each other,

And watched the other grow.

Now this new milestone,

Like a chance for a new life.

New things to be discovered,

After finally being made a wife!

The Lord is showing me His blessings,

As we make better decisions.

And this move to Colorado,

Is in response to His Vision.

Its hard to explain,

To people who don’t want to understand you.

Its easy to maintain,

With someone you know wont abandon you.

After all the gloomy days,

My husband has brought light to.

There’s no doubt in my mind,

That together we’re making the right move.

Safe Heart, Transparent Eyes

I see your eyes meet mine,

Pain from the past,

Melts down inside.

But my feelings must hide

Because they’re much too strong.

To have developed like this,

Over, not too long.

But my eyes tell all,

They can’t hide my secrets.

So when mine meet yours,

I know you see it.

For some reason,

You see it all;

The smile in my eyes,

And when I’m about to ball.

From a distance, I admire you

Every time I’m around.

Then make sure to turn my eyes,

So I don’t get clowned.

But it’s starting not to matter,

I don’t care who see’s.

Then I have to check myself,

Because I know me.

I’ll treat you like my man,

Even if you don’t deserve it yet.

Let my heart run crazy,

And in reality I forget.

You don’t know the depths

My love can travel.

I’ve loved so hard

My knees hit gravel.

On a public sidewalk,

My love had no shame.

Many times one-way love,

Had my body feel no pain.

Just burning anguish

In my soul.

Frost bite of the heart,

That made me cold.

So when I tell you, I doubt,

Your words can’t put me at ease.

See where I’m coming from,

Understand me PLEASE!