Life in general is hard when you look back at everywhere you’ve been, who you’ve lost, mistakes you’ve made, and possibly secrets you still hold. But when you’re in a place of security, safety and pure love we are not bound by the past. We’re free to accept the past for what it was and who it made up and move forward with the lessons the past has provided. There is a sense of freedom when I look back on all the things that could have took me down another path, had I had chosen another option.
Just yesterday I was standing in the store picking out some snacks and I felt this wave of fluttering nervousness rise up in my stomach. When I looked to my left, my king was walking down the aisle toward me. It made me think of the first time I met him. Meeting this random guy from the internet who told me he just wanted to hook up. And no matter how much I told my friends or myself that he wasn’t anything to me, he was everything without even knowing. To the point where my spirit can feel him hitting a corner before my eyes even saw him. It was touching. Even not typing out what happened and what I felt brings tears of joy to my eyes and makes the love in my heart beat harder with every muscle contraction.
The other night I had another dream about my son, my soon-to-be son. The first time I met him was a few weeks ago following the night I dreamt of our soon-to-be daughter as a teen. I knew it was our son not only because his smile, eyes and looks were a perfect blend of my king and I but I could feel his spirit, his happiness and his joy when he saw me. I’ve never felt that before. I felt like he is a part of me and I can feel everything he feels. Sometimes it’s scary to talk about or profess things that you have no way of knowing but that’s only when we let society and our past determine how we feel. I felt that was my son greeting me before he makes his grand entrance. I feel that although I interpreted the order of I dreams to tell me the order of I children, my son came to me and told me that he would be first. Although I’m scared to say this because I’m scared to be wrong… I feel like my son was speaking to me from the womb. Although I haven’t confirmed if I’m pregnant or not… My spirits tell me InI am.
Waiting patiently.
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